For a Good Time, Email This Chick

And by "good time," I mean "almost definitely a scam."

I have two email accounts, as most red-blooded Americans do. Anyone with only one email account is likely a communist or some other subversive. Unfortunately, one of my accounts appears to have been hacked... or something.

I checked my Hotmail address today (sileny_spisovatel@homtail.com - it's Czech, shut up) and found about 20 "delivery failure notifications" in my email. Trouble is, I didn't send that many messages (heck, I don't think I have that many CONTACTS). So I go to my sent box, and I find a bunch of messages with the above picture and the following text:

Ciao! Dovrebbe essere inusuali a ricevere che messaggio sento. Consenti mi presento;). Mi chiamo Tatyiana, e sono da Russia... La mia età è 25 anni.. Io sono tipo attraente, onesto, dignitosa, con un senso dell'umorismo..:)

Actually, I don't think anyone who reads this speaks Italian, so I won't post the whole thing... at least, not before running it through Google Translate:

Hello! It should be unusual feel to receive that message. Allow me introduce myself:). My name Tatyiana, and are from Russia ... My age is 25 years .. I'm like attractive, honest, dignified, with a sense of humor ..:) And I hope this e-mail is not difficult to you.

I am real woman who has a goal I want to make sure this is not this kind of questionable email that people send all around the world .. The report inet and something new for me and I've never done that before I look for a friend, my companion, and my future husband all my life The only thing I want is to find a person who will love and take me as I have .. I went to the shop and I opened kafe-page Web site Nirvam strange way and I managed to send an e-mail is written with the assistance of the employee who works here. I also send my beautiful pictures to you so you might know me.

I believe that you are interessatti meet new people and the will I answer to me, please contact me my email [What followed was NOT an email, but a dubious-looking web URL].

I hope for your quick news, Face... Your new amigo Tatyana

I gotta hand it to whoever has been sending out these emails - they really did a good job of creating a completely believeable Italian-speaking Russian woman who randomly sends mass emails out from a Czech email address. I especially appreciate the way they coopted English speaking colloquialisms to create the image of a, "like attractive, honest, dignified" woman.

Also (and this is no lie): "Face" might be my new favorite farewell EVER.

Joking aside, I'm deleting that email account today. Anybody got an extra hammer and sickle?