Cooking BAKING with Braddy

Okay, so back in high school I was never a big fan of the science classes they made you take. I was just never interested in science as a subject, which is probably why I tend to like my "science fiction" to be the sort of jelly-bellied story where the science is complete fiction rather than the more cerebral fictions actually inspired by science. But I had to muscle through one scientific discipline to get that shiny new diploma, so, for some reason, I settled on chemistry.

For the record, I HATE chemistry. I was great at the subject... in theory. I could always make the math work out one the page, but the instant I had to pour vial A into beaker B, rather than getting compound C, I wound up with a great big pile of F.

That may be the reason I've been a little hesitant to really tackle baking seriously. I mean, I tried once, but the results were really less than desirable. However, over the weekend, the stars were in alignment, so I went out, bought some yeast and a couple of bread pans, and broke out the old chemistry set.

See, I've always looked at baking as being more like chemistry than other forms of cooking, especially considering the way baking components seem to work under my decidedly un-alchemistic fingers. Meat always behaves the way you want it to. Add heat, meat burn. Cheese always melts, tomatoes turn to sauce, and lettuce stays the heck out of my kitchen. But yeast? Baking soda? I feel like I need to ask these things their permission to put them in my food, and since the ultimate fate of the food I make is to be eaten, baking goods always tell me to piss off.

And that's... really about what happened here. The recipe I followed advised that I could activate the yeast with either sugar or honey, so I opted for the latter, thinking it would be healthier or something. But the yeast just straight up spurned the food. They just let the honey settle right on the bottom of the water while they dog-paddled on the surface. The pretentious little jerks.

I spent hours (approximately four episodes of Gilmore Girls) waiting for the bread to rise, but it just lounged lazily at the bottom of the pan. Well, at least until I put it in the oven, and then the dough decided it was time to pop out and say hello to the world like a sixteen-year-old girl at her coming out party.

So the bread itself was pretty good. Unfortunately, the only part that could actually be considered "bread" w the stuff on the outside. Once you got past the crust, the interior still felt gooey and sticky. It was like eating a Twinkie, if instead of cream filling it was just stuffed with a smaller, sludgier other Twinkie.

All things considered, though, the experiment was worth the failure. The most expensive ingredients were actually the re-usable bread pans, and considering I got to see Jess buy Rory's picnic basket and piss off Dean, I'm not even really out the time. Round two will likely be more successful.