Things I'll Love Forever: Sweaters

The Art of Manliness (the source for the above image) states that "a quality sweater that properly fits is one of the most flattering garments a man can wear." And, yeah, after years of dressing like an out-of-work poetry teacher, I'm inclined to agree. Sweaters are just about the best thing ever.

• Used to be that sweaters made me think of the "uncool" class of people - you know, like Carlton Banks. Nowadays, though, I'm pretty sure sweaters are considered a classy wardrobe choice. Frankly, considering my usual attire of ironic T-shirts making jokes about 16th-century poets and superheroes, it's miraculous I ever find anything "classy" to wear.
• I'm particularly fond of argyle, which seems to add just a hint of fun to an otherwise mundane wardrobe choice. I say "fun," yet argyle also classes up the overall appearance, making a splash at church or informal gatherings.
• Now, I'm a pretty scrawny person, so the long-sleeved sweater makes me feel a lot more confident about my physique by masking the HECK out of it. I look like I might actually be able to lift up a medium-sized dog or a chunky child, whereas, without the sweater, I might never be called upon to undertake such tasks.
• However, when I want to go with a more intellectual look, I find that a sweater vest - an oft-maligned sartorial selection - provides me with just the right writerly paunch that tells the ladies, "Yes, this man COULD seduce you. With his mind.:
• Most importantly, sweaters provide a level of warmth and comfort most clothes can't. I can't tell you how many cold mornings I've spent lying awake in bed, reluctant to rise and face the bitter chill of wind and snow, only to find courage in the thought that, "Well, at least I can wear a sweater today." Seriously, it's like Linus's security blanket, but you can take it to work without looking the fool.

It's pretty rare that I get worked up over an article of clothing. Since the sweater manages to evoke such a positive reaction from me, I'll love it forever.

And yes, I'm wearing a sweater RIGHT NOW.