The Problem with Pixar

About this time of year every year, I start to wonder if there are any movies I should be looking forward to. Usually, I'm not able to come up with anything - I don't follow movie news quite as closely as I maybe should. Even now, in the golden age of superhero movies (a genre I SHOULD love), I have a hard time getting excited. Unless Captain America actually punches out Hitler, I don't think I'll care.

However, even in the worst of movie draughts, I'm usually able to say, "Well, at least there will be a new Pixar movie this year."

Sadly, that's no longer the case.

Most of the time, if a sequel to a franchise I don't like is announced, I'm pretty good at letting it slide. Why should I CARE that they're making Scary Movie 17? With Pixar, though, things are differed. I love Pixar, and, while I don't have the same level of reverence for the company that it seems most people do I genuinely feel Pixar consistently turns out better animation than just about everyone else in the business. Even when I DON'T care about the story presented, I usually find SOMETHING worthwhile to take away.

Take, for example, Up. I didn't like Up at all - the characters were overly silly, a lot of the jokes fell flat, and (to the surprise of no one who knows me) I hated that frickin' dog. You're welcome to disagree with me, but just know that it is an irrefutable scientific fact that any mainstream movie that turns to Star Wars jokes for humor is creatively crippled, so you're probably wrong.

That said, I don't regret seeing Up. In my (admittedly limited) experience, the opening 15 or so minutes of Up make up one of the most moving moments in animated history and, quite frankly, were worth the price of the movie ticket all on their own. From that point on, though, the movie kinda fell flat.

So, yeah, even in the weakest Pixar movies, there's usually something of value.

But Cars? Cars felt like two hour of watching some kid play with those stupid toys Chevron featured in their commercials. I'm surprised the movie didn't feature more billboards hawking "Techron" as the pinnacle of fine dining.

There are lots of problems with the movie Cars:

• Larry the Cable Guy is not funny (though to be fair, this IS the best thing he's ever done).
• Lightning McQueen, or whatever the heck the main car-acter's (get it?) name is, is NOT likeable.
• There's a love story in a movie about cars. The cars fall in love. The CARS are in LOVE. Even Herbie would likely be disturbed by that.
• Remember that family of cars that got lost in the desert? Remember how they had little kid cars? Have you ever wanted to know how anthropomorphic motorized vehicles reproduce? Now that you've asked the question, is your life better for it? Didn't think so.
• How the heck does a world populated entirely by cars come into existence? Was there some kind of holocaust that wiped out all the people that originally BUILT the cars? If so, why aren't we watching that movie? (And why wasn't THIS movie called The Terminator?)
• How are there little insect cars flying around? What sort of mad scientist would create insect cars? And, again, why aren't we watching THAT movie?

Now they're making a sequel - Cars 2: This Time, We've Got SPIES. Judging from the trailer, the sequel's sole connection with the first movie is that it's got the same two main characters. The setting's different, the supporting cast is different, the THEMES are completely different... they might as well have made a brand-new movie with completely different characters (TELL me you wouldn't love to see Pixar do a real secret-agent movie in the same vein as The Incredibles).

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe Pixar should make a series of spy-themed car movies. Then we could look forward to seeing movies like Driver's License to Kill and The Living Headlights on the big screen.

It seems that, nowadays, Pixar is mostly concerned with franchising already-existing properties... which is fine, I guess, as long as they can continue to tell good stories. The Toy Story sequels, if you ask me, are pretty weak, and Cars... man, that just sucks. I'd rather see a hundred ambitious failures than just one sequel to Cars, no matter how pretty the animation.

No matter how pretty a movie LOOKS (and Pixar will make Cars 2 pretty), it won't be worth the price of admission if the story sucks *cough*.

Bonus Valentines

So when I did my Valentines post yesterday, I actually made two more cards than I posted. One of them I just forgot about, but the other one, I decided, was a little too... stupid... to actually post. But I couldn't bring myself to do a post with just ONE Valentine, so you get both of them.




I'll let you decide which of the two was too stupid.

Why I'm Still Single Valentines

We're a couple of days away from the biggest celebration of love acknowledged by the greeting card industry, so I thought I'd take a minute and help everyone out by creating a couple of cards of my own. Give one of these babies away, and you'll never have to worry about a Valentine's Day present again!

The Trials of Songwriting

Things I'll Love Forever: Scott Pilgrim

Bryan Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim series made quite a splash in the comic book community over the past couple of years. Personally, I can see why - while Scott Pilgrim's not my FAVORITE comic of all time, it hits a lot of the right notes with me.

1 - Believe it or not, the story of Scott Pilgrim's battle with Ramona's seven evil exes is a deeply metaphorical account of dealing with the baggage people bring to romantic relationships - albeit a metaphor told from Scott's emotionally-stunted point of view. Just as Scott has to face off with the violent psychopaths Ramona used to date, Ramona meets and comes to terms (or blows) with Scott's own lineup of exes - Kim Pine, Envy Adams, and, of course, Knives Chau.

2 - The Scott Pilgrim series draws on three main influences: indie music, video games, and, of course, comics. Turns out these are three great tastes that go great together. O'Malley blends subjects he's obviously quite passionate about with great ease to give the story a real frantic energy.

3 - The allusions to video games and music aren't required to understand or appreciate the story itself - they're just a bit of extra flavoring.

4 - Wallace Wells, Scott's gay roommate:


Dude's a HOOT.

5 - While 2010's movie adaptation of the series doesn't quite live up to the standard set by the book series, it's pretty faithful to the spirit of the books. Visually impressive, well-cast, and full of some pretty good music, the movie's definitely worth a look.

6 - The thing I love most about Scott Pilgrim, more than the pop culture references, the insane fight sequences, and the fantastic characters, is the heart. Ultimately, Scott Pilgrim's story is one of growing up, learning to accept responsibility, and becoming a man... even if that means putting away childish notions. It's a story for the Nintendo generation, now reaching adulthood. Frankly, I see it as the story of my own life. Not entirely a FLATTERING comparison, but apt.

For mixing in just the right amount of heartfelt sincerity with my big, stupid, fun, Scott Pilgrim has really caught my attention, and I'll love it forever.

Save the Words - The Whales Can Go Die

A friend just sent me a link to Save the Words, a website dedicated to increasing usage of words that are in danger of being dropped from dictionaries. My friend thought I'd love this website - cuz I'm a writer and hey, WORDS, right?

Well, I'm not so sure. I'm all for using big words, but the primary purpose of language is communication. If no one knows what a word means, then there's not much of a point in SAVING the word. It's useless.

Besides, new words are being added to the dictionary every year. Words like "bromance," "frenemy," and "matchy-matchy" were all added to the OED last year.

Okay, those words are all DUMB, but still... (Can we all just say "blog" is about the worst sounding word ever invented?)

I mean, look at some of these words the website asks you to save:

foppotee - noun, a simple-minded person.

Like we don't already have ENOUGH ways to call someone an "idiot."

mingent - adj, discharging urine.

Can't we just say "peeing"?

senticous - noun, prickly; thorny.

Or, you know, you can just say "prickly" or "thorny" and save yourself a syllable.

occaecation - noun, the act of blinding.

See also "blinding"

jobler - noun, one who does small jobs.

Umm...



Okay, no, THAT word's cool.

TGI...M?

Monday nights are among my new favorite things... go figure.

Last night is what you might call "productive."

1 - I read the script for A Streetcar Named Desire. The whole thing.

(By the way, I saw A Streetcar Named Desire when I was in junior high. I must not have known much about... well, anything, because I had absolutely no recollection of all of the pedophilia, bigotry, and rape goin' on there. Good family read)

2 - Our ward did a "speed friending" activity last night. It's like "speed dating" but with half the level of commitment.

3 - In addition to everything else I've been reading, I've been trying to work my way through the complete Sherlock Holmes library. Got another two chapters read last night, as well.

And here's the big one:

4 - I pretty much finished two chapters in my novel. Now, I pulled a lot of material from my first draft, so it's not all 100% new material. But, that said, I wrote 536 new words (double my daily goal) and now have two full, complete chapters (I still have a couple of paragraphs to go in chapter 3, but I should be able to finish that tonight).

So, yeah... I'm awesome.