At The Kid's Table

I need more single friends.

There's nothing wrong with being married... probably. But when you're a single guy, and all the people you're used to hanging out with get hitched, you start to feel a little left behind.

I guess I just don't get why people have to go and reproduce. Now, more often than not, when I get together with my married friends, I find myself spending a lot of time with my friend's children because - and here's the scary part - I have more in common with the kids than I do with the people I've known my entire life.

See, my friends all get talk about their families, their spouses and children (and I don't think I have any of those). When we go beyond familial stuff, we tend to focus on the same boring topics of conversation: work, how much mileage my car gets, mortgage payments... It's really kind of a drag. When the kids are around, though, it's always, "Whose your favorite pony? Mine's Rarity!"

And, sadly, I know more about the latter subject than any of the former.

Sometimes, though, when I'm with my friends, we don't say anything at all. I'll admit there's actually something comforting about that - the ability to spend time in near complete silence with people I've known for so long can be almost as cathartic as laughing about that one time in high school when we all went to Homecoming with someone else's girlfriend (Fun Fact: That was a bad idea).

And, sometimes, when my friends are all off having grown-up conversations, I get stuck with the kids, and I find that the conversation there tends to dry up, too. Of course, THEN it's usually because the kids are too busy trying to keep hold of my legs as I desperately try to kick them off.

I think I'd be fine if I never get married. I probably would need to get new friends, though, since I'm pretty much just going to be shunted off to the kid's table from here on out. Of course, the kid's table DOES have macaroni I and cheese...