A Song For Your Wedding

Every time I think I'm out of single friends to get married, someone else ties the knot. Just recently, three of my best friends got hitched, and so I should take this opportunity to say "Congratulations" to Emma, Kristen, and Larissa, some of the greatest people I know.

Kristen's wedding was last night, and it was pretty fantastic. I spent a good portion of the evening rubbing my cheeks, which started to ache from all the smiling. I don't like smiling - it's hard on the face-meat. She and her hubby had their first dance to Frank Sinatra's "Cheek to Cheek," and it was a nice moment, with the bride all beaming and smiling and the groom all "Oh, the things I do for you."

So, of course, while they had their moment, I spent my time trying to come up with THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE SONG one could pick for their first dance.

My first thought was... well, I guess my first thought was actually "I Can't Get Started" by Ella Fitzgerald, but I just thought of that cuz they put it on that one episode of Gilmore Girls. Oh, don't act like you don't know which one I'm talking about.

My first original thought, though, was "Ms. Jackson" by Outkast - an admittedly awesome song, but hardly first-dance material. I mean, the beat's nice, but it's not the kind of slow-dancing romantic jam that couples tend to want to sway to. Basically, if you picked out "Ms. Jackson" for your wedding, you'd be doing so PRECISELY because of how terribly the subject matter of the song would match with the setting. Or maybe the groom just REALLY doesn't like the mother-in-law. I dunno.

Billy Idol's "White Wedding" is another solid candidate. It's a great song, and I could see a couple picking it up if they just really liked the beat and didn't mind the fact that all the references to shotguns would probably cause people to talk during the spotlight dance. "Nothing pure in this world," indeed.

Then, of course, I thought of "Me and Mrs. Jones" by Billy Paul (NOT Michael Buble!), which is probably the world's most famous song about adultery. This song's a great slow jam, and comes across as pretty romantic, too - provided you don't listen too closely to the words. And that's EXACTLY the sort of thing I'm looking for.

So that's probably it - "Me and Mrs. Jones" is the most inappropriate song anyone could possibly want to dance to at their wedding. Unless there's a worse one out there... somewhere... floating around in the mind of some poor soul who hates weddings even more than I do. If that person happens to be reading my blog, please share!

Otherwise, all the best go out to Kristen, Larissa, and all the other happy newlyweds out there.