A Hymn for the Heartbroken

This is the last of the posts I'll be importing from Facebook. Originally posted on 1.12.09 when I was going through a breakup, a friend's wedding, a romantic comedy, and an otherwise hard time. So sorry.

“Unrequited love is like hanging on a meat-hook – yeah, it hurts, but it’s kind of hard to get off of.” - Stephen Bradford

Yeah, that’s right: I’m prefacing my thoughts on the subject of heartbreak by quoting myself. I actually AM that conceited. You’re welcome. Anyway, it seems a lot of people I know are going through breakups nowadays, so I’ve been thinking about this subject a bit more than usual. I won’t mention any names – y’know, to preserve their anonymity and stuff. Of course, almost all of them have actually written about their recent romantic catastrophes on Facebook, so I can only do so much.

I think it’s funny that people say that spring is the season of love. I know there’s basis for it, but, really, spring seems to be more about tidal waves of hormones crashing on the shore of logic and reason rather than actual romantic love. In my experience, more actual, lasting relationships form in the winter than any other season. My bet is that human beings seek to fight off the elements by hunting down a cuddle-buddy as soon as possible.

And really, why not go for the winter relationship? On paper, at least, there’s a lot of good that can go on in the winter – playful snowball fights, candle-lit Valentine’s dinners, New Years Eve kisses. Not to mention you’re that much more likely to get at least ONE thoughtful Christmas present.

Of course, the real drawback to a winter relationship would be the winter break-up. If you’re like me…

“Whiny and emotionally insecure?”

Shut your face up!

*ahem* If you’re like me, you find yourself more prone to depression during the winter months, when the cold makes your joints stiff and sore, the snow blocks you in to your own driveway, and the clouds block the yellow-sun radiation that enables you to fly. Basically, winter sucks. And heartbreak in the wintertime is suddenly a hundred times worse. Before long, you find yourself sitting in the dark, writing poems of longing while Savage Garden sings “Gunning Down Romance” through your iTunes.

Since I’ve mentioned music… A while back I complained that I never hear much “girl-hating” music. There was no reason for me to be hatin’ on the ladyfolk at the time – I just felt mildly misogynistic. Anyway, since then, I think I’ve finally found the ultimate in woman-bashing music: “Gives You Hell,” by the All-American Rejects.

Lead-singer Tyson Ritter (who may be one of the most effeminate singers since… well, Darren Hayes of Savage Garden), plays with the girls’ emotions by singing: “And truth be told I miss you/And truth be told I'm lying.” Then a whole chorus of guys comes in, chanting:

“When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell.
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell.
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well,
Then he's a fool. You’re just as well, hope it gives you hell.”

You can tell, by the way, that it’s a chorus of guys because they can’t seem to keep the melody.

So I hear the song and think, “Awesome! Finally, a really good break-up song!” But then I keep thinking, and I realize, “Crap. I don’t actually WANT anyone I’ve ever dated to feel that way.” See, I’ve had… more than one ex-girlfriend in my time, and I’ve always tried to make sure things end amiably. Doesn’t always work, of course, mainly because of the aforementioned emotional insecurity…

Wait, that was YOU that said that! I hate you!

Anyway, the thing is, even after a “friendly” break-up (and they CAN happen), I have trouble dealing with my exes. It took me three years to get over my first girlfriend, and I spent two of those years in another country. Then I dated another girl a few years ago in college. We only dated for a few months, but, every time I saw her after we broke up, I felt as though my heart had been forced through a cheese grater. And, since I worked in the university library, I got to see a lot of her – and whatever guys were putting their arms around her. So I may not have a lot of experience, but I have enough that I can say with the great William Shakespeare, “My broken heart hath ached, forsooth/This royally sucketh a horse’s hoof.”

Seriously, it’s from “MacBeth.” Look it up.

I recently read a good description of grief and loss. You never really “get over” losing someone. You go to bed at night, thinking you’ll feel better in the morning, but when you wake up you still feel the same way, because she (or he) still isn’t there. The wound never fully heals, but you learn to live with it. However, I read that bit of advice in a Wolverine comic book, so I don’t know that the APA would really approve of that assessment.

Break-ups are a pain I don’t wish anyone – not even the ones that broke my heart. To all those who are going through hard times right now, I offer the only consolation I can – It really sucks, but it’s hardly the end of the world. After she breaks your heart, life goes on – and you also get these really cool heart scars that make you look emotionally tough.