It's not what you're thinking...
So the question's come up in conversation recently, "Should a girl always accept a request for a first date?" To my surprise, I found myself a bit conflicted on the issue, and, despite everything logic dictates, I tend to say that a woman should.
I mean, the first thought that comes to my head is, "Of COURSE you should be able to turn down any date you choose, ESPECIALLY if you feel threatened or otherwise ill at ease." I think specifically of an online-dating incident I read about where a young woman rejected a man's request to meet "IRL" at his cabin deep in the woods. Do I fault her for turning the man down? Not a bit.
Similarly, another friend of mine rejected a young man whom she had met briefly at a party. She says they didn't speak to each other at all. The man later sent her a message over Facebook, asking if they could go out. She told him no, and, again, I find myself agreeing with her decision - while the many forms of electronic communication make forming interpersonal relationships easily, I still feel a person should (excuse the expression) "man up" in dating matters and handle them face-to-face.
However, there's a third experience I often think of when confronted with the first-date question: Back in college, I asked out a girl I'd known for nearly the entire year. She responded by saying, "No, I'll be busy this weekend... and every weekend from now until the end of the semester."
Ouch. Coming from a culture where everyone is strongly encouraged to accept all offers for a first date, that smarts.
So, yeah, I guess I'm of the opinion that everyone should at least agree to ONE date with someone who makes the effort to actually ASK... unless you have a good reason not to... UNLESS the person who's asking is ME.
6 comments:
Ah, you beat me to the blog. Imma still write mine eventually, though.
You know, I've posed this question of at least a dozen other men since then. Most of them agree with you and are actually even more forgiving - the eight or nine on Saturday night said, "If you just know, whatever your reason is, that you'll never ever have a relationship with that person, then the best thing is to say no to date 1, don't either of your time or money."
I was always of the opinion that unless there are some major threatening or massive discomfort issues involved, you should accept a second date. Not everyone gives off their best impression as a first impression, and most of us could use the benefit of the doubt.
xox
My roommates once asked me if i would ever consider seriously dating a guy friend of ours that seemed to like me. I said no. When he did ask me out I said yes figuring it was just one date. Turns out I didn't know the guy as well as I thought I did. You guessed it, that guy was my husband. So I would say give every sane guy a chance.
Well, I hate to be the naysayer, but after 15 years of dating, I've become very keen on guys that I may not particularly think I want to give a chance, but would accept a date, and guys I know there is absolutely no way we would end up in a relationship. Even though they are FANTASTIC guys most often. There are some traits I not only find unattractive, but find simply repulsive. Harsh, I know, but I would rather not waste anyone's time in that situation.
And here is where some of you think, "Well that is why you are 31 and single." Not true. I have had several opportunities to not be single, but I would rather be single and happy than married with someone I just wasn't sure about. You can keep the guy who has no ambition and who I would have supported, the guy who would not talk in public and who tried to propose after 6 weeks, the guy who wanted me to leave the church, and the guy who cheated on me.
Follow up dates? Turn those suckers down whenever you darn well want to! No judgment from me.
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