What's Going On With Love Story?

Sorry, Miss Swift, but I think you got it wrong.

Okay, so “Love Story” is not exactly my “pick of the week.” That’s okay – we’ve obviously got different tastes in music. I’ll forgive you, even though my opinion is OBVIOUSLY so much superior in this regard. I’m referring, of course, to your blatant misuse/abuse of two classic pieces of English literature.

Yeah, Romeo and Juliet is THE classic love story, the one everyone turns to when they talk about the perfect couple. But, you see, the reason Romeo and Juliet is such a great story is BECAUSE they both die unhappy at the end. The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is what distinguishes a truly powerful piece of literature from sappy, highly marketable Disney fodder, which (no offense) is exactly what your song is. The song’s cheerful, peppy, and optimistic – everything Romeo and Juliet ISN’T. There are plenty of other love stories to draw from that don’t end quite so… gruesomely… for the romantic protagonists.

And another thing: what’s the deal with the scarlet letter? You know the line:

“‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet.”

…

…

…

What?

No, seriously, I don’t get it. Have you ever READ The Scarlet Letter? Hawthorne’s protagonist, a woman named Hester Prynne, is ostracized by the Puritan society in which she lives for her sexual promiscuity. The village leaders force her to sew a big red “A” into her clothing to mark her as an outcast. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here: you’re writing a song about a character who’s NOT you, and therefore this is not a confession of your teenage indiscretion.
But why include the scarlet letter, which is basically a big neon sign that says to the whole world, “Hey! I’m a hussy!”

Why do this? Why take elements from The Scarlet Letter and Romeo and Juliet – which have nothing in common, really, other than their classification as “Books No One Wants to Read in Twelfth Grade English and Yet are Found on Every Curriculum Reading List in the USA” – and include them in a tinny teeny-bopper pop song. It’s almost like you’re TRYING to sow the seeds of deep, sinister meaning into an otherwise inoffensive lyric… actually, I totally approve of that. Carry on.

That STILL doesn’t excuse “Teardrops on My Guitar,” though.