Why I'm Still Single 1

Daily Sketches

1.19.10 - His name is Michael Weston. He used to be a spy.

He also used to be a handsome side of man-beef, but now... not so much. I don't know what happened to his face when I decided to draw it, but now he looks a bit fatter.

I also don't know how the gun hand got to be so disconnected from the rest of his arm, but that's actually directly from the model photograph.


1.20.10 - Mom looked at this picture and said, "Did you draw a streetwalker?"

Profiles, for some reason, have been tough for me recently. That said, I don't think I did too bad with this one. I'm also pretty pleased with the hair. The shoes, not so much.

I think I need to do more scenes. Even though this drawing is all sub-par, I had a ball drawing it.


1.21.10 - Here's my new favorite drawing I've ever done.

I decided to do a "concept sketch" for some of the characters from the novels &c I plan on writing. This is my original design for the main character from my Angel of Mercy story, about an angel who hates his job.

So, yeah, the little circle thing hanging off that sign is a halo. I haven't yet figured out a good way to draw radiance with a pencil.

1.22.10 - Yikes.

You know, that's really all I've got to say about this one. I drew it in about five minutes. It's pretty terrible.


1.23.10 - The verticle line on this figure is more like an "S" shape. Other than that, though, it's not bad.

I've been experimenting with different ways of doing cartoon faces - especially noses. As an experiment, I think this one is a success.

Guy's totally supposed to be wearing a polo shirt. I decided I didn't want to bother with the horse, though.

1.24.10 - One of these days I'll get to the point where I feel like I can draw a girl without feeling like a pervert.

Improv Journal: Homeless Dan

In addition to the daily sketches and writing I’ve been doing more or less consistently since January 1, I need to spend a little more time developing my skills in improvisation. See, I love performing (or being the center of attention – they’re often the same thing), and, right now, my weekly antics with The Jesters Royale comedy improv team are the only times I ever get to take the stage anymore.

I used to think that, outside of our Wednesday workshops, there was very little I could do to “prepare” myself for performances. After all, isn’t “improvisational comedy” by definition unrehearsed? However, one of the teachers at the workshops recently started emphasizing the importance of keeping an “improv journal” – a record of things you notice that can help you with your performances.

Improv relies a lot on memory – what you’ve seen and experienced, as well as everything you’ve ever noticed about other people, has to be available for instant recall when needed. Recording these observations and impressions can, at first, feel a bit like scripting, but, in the end, writing is simply a memory tool.

I’ve started working on my “improv journal” – recording techniques I learn at workshop, making lists of plot twists, and writing up brief bios on some of the “stock characters” I’m developing. Here’s my most recent entry: a bio on a new character I developed last night at performance.

NAME: “Homeless Dan” (featured in the game “Bad Advice” 1.22.10)

COSTUME: orange overalls, leather jacket, rockstar wig (all costume pieces negotiable)

ACCENT: southern redneck

MANNERISMS: drunken stagger
frequently dozes off
does not make eye contact
distrusts technology
is LOUD

HISTORY: Dan has almost always been homeless. He comes from a long line of homeless men and women who took great pride in their homelessness. As a rebellious teenager, Dan got a job folding clothes at a K-Mart. He has since learned that people treat the homeless with more respect. Dan has hitchhiked across the USA and has tried every variety of local vermin and roadkill. He loves Arby’s Sauce. He says he once got a handout from Patrick Swayze, whom he now worships as a saint.

Daily Sketches

1.16.10 - I don't get women. I mean, in an artistic sense. I have a lot of difficulty drawing women that don't look like men.

Well, here's an exception. This woman looks like a woman. Specifically, Tinkerbell, or that cheap knock-off fairy from Fern Gully with incredibly BUTCH shoulders.

I think the face is the only part here that looks good at all. I might have cut the head off just a bit, but I'ma call this one a success. A very broad-shouldered success.

1.17.10 - Went to a priesthood meeting on Sunday and couldn't get a seat in the chapel, so I decided to entertain myself by drawing the dude sitting across from me on the couch

I had a tough time with the guy's feet - mainly because he MOVED THEM while I was sketching them. So the proportion's a bit off, and the angles look screwy.

I think the part of this picture that makes me proudest is the couch. I mean, I drew a guy sitting on a couch. That's almost like a real scene.

1.18.10 - Here's another guy sitting. This one I (obviously) didn't use any models for. I'ma call it a success, even though it's problematic. For one thing, the guy's neck is WAY too long, and his arms just... don't look... RIGHT.

Still, I'm pretty bad at drawing anyone that's not standing ramrod straight with their face at a perfect 3/4 view (I have an easier time with the 3/4 view than the straight on or the profile, for some reason). So the fact that I completed this sketch, and in less than an hour, is definitely a step in the right direction.

<3 and Marriage

Wish I Said it First #6-7 - Two for One

#6

"We're planning on smacking them down like the hand of God."

- Artie Abrams, Glee

#7

"I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat; and then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face. "

- Sue Sylvester, Glee

It's not my favorite show, but the kid in the wheelchair and the sadist cheer instructor are FANTASTIC.

And that Sue Sylvester quote? TOTALLY something I would say.

Daily Sketches

1.10.10 - Quick sketch I did during church. The girl here was giving the sermon.

I think I was able to get her drawn pretty quickly, but the end result is far from lifelike. For one thing, the girl was wearing a headband that I wasn't quite able to capture on the page. Also, I'd never drawn glasses before. I don't think I did too well.

1.11.10 - Went back to drawing the arms folded on this guy. It's still ridiculously tough for me.

There's something wrong with the guy's torso - other than the whacked-out proportions. It looks VERY 2-dimensional, and I don't think I'm quite sure yet how to fix it.

This guy looks like a bit of a douche. I think I'll call him Doug.

1.12.10 - This here, by the way, was Miss Conference Edition, Fall 2009, in my reckoning.

I actually have very little experience drawing open mouths. The picture of the girl was taken mid-song, so THAT was an adventure.

I think I cut part of her head off, but I had a good time drawing the hair, so I don't feel so bad.

Oh, and the girl's got a ring on her left hand. Darn it...

1.13.10 - I seem to be drawing douchebags a lot...

This was just a quick sketch - an exercise in using straight lines. I also wanted to do a new pose, and I saw the crossed-leg lean-in pickup-line pose on a picture just before doing the sketch.

For a quick sketch minutes before I went to bed, though, I think this one turned out pretty darn well. That tie's WAY too skinny and short, though...



1.14.10 - So I have a confession: I LOVE me some good cartoons. Also, I love a few cartoons that aren't so good. This here's a character from one of those not-so-good cartoons.

The "Teen Titans" cartoon that ran on Cartoon Network was done in an animation style the creators call murikanime - a mix between classic Warner Brothers animation and Japanimation. It was goofy, kinda ugly, and almost completely nonsensical - and I love the HECK out of it.

This here's Raven, my favorite character (in concept, if not execution) from the series. Don't ask me what the deal with her ribcage is - that's how the picture I copied my sketch from looked. The goofy-looking head is ALL me, though.

1.15.10 - I felt like I needed to draw a guy in an action pose, so I did. I think I've shown some decent progress here, but there are still some GLARING flaws.

I'm proudest here of the guy's karate gi - I hadn't ever really drawn one before, so I looked a few things up. I know the sleeves and pant legs aren't QUITE right, but I think I did a decent job with the belt. I tried to get it to conform to his body and pose a bit more, which I think helps.

I've never drawn bare feet before. I REALLY need to work on that. I just now realized that I gave the guy two left feet... literally.

I've Been Thinking About You

Last night, I had a truly magical experience. I was sitting next to a girl that I’ve gotten to be quite fond of – although I don’t think she knew that. She leaned across me to say something to her friend sitting on just the other side of me. In doing so, she put her hand on my knee to balance herself. When she leaned back to her seat, she didn’t move her hand. I looked at her to find her looking at me, with a bit of fear and a lot of hope in her eyes. It was at that moment that I realized that she felt the same way about me that I felt about her, and we were finally ready to let each other know.

Then I woke up.

Yeah, I just pulled the “dream-fake-out” introduction on y’all. Sorry about that. But the dream got me thinking. Since I’ve already resolved to dedicate the year 2010 to personal growth and development, I may as well make the effort to reach that goal that I’ve longed to achieve, and that is true union with another human soul. I want – I should say need – to have that someone that I can tell anything to, that can accept me for who I am, and that can be herself around me.

There has really only been one person in my life who I’ve felt so deeply about. Sadly, through my short-sightedness and brash stupidity, I drove her away. I’ve felt so lonely ever since then, and now, perhaps too late, I realize that I lost one of the only truly good things in my life. I hope, though, that it’s NOT too late, and, in a final effort to rekindle the flame I neglected for so long, I here post a letter that I’ve written to my love, so that all the world may see and understand the depth of my emotion for her.

*ahem*

Dear Norah Jones,

I know it must be weird for you to hear from me after so long. I hope you are doing well. I apologize for the impersonal nature of this letter, but I feel that I have a lot to say, and I need time to compose my thoughts properly before I let you see them.

Harsh words have passed between us. When you released your most recent album, I started listening to it with the usual excitement and glee. However, upon hearing the single “Chasing Pirates,” I knew things were different. We have grown apart, you and I.

My delight turned to sorrow – perhaps, even, anger. Where was the Norah I knew, the one who serenaded me to sleep so many nights, who filled me so full of sweet sadness with her songs that I felt my chest would burst? She had gone, I thought, and the woman who stood in her place was only a hollow shell, made of corporate dollars and wishy-washy Neverland ideas.

I thought I couldn’t handle this new you, so I left. It’s been a cold, windy month since then. I’ve sat up many nights trying to find someone new. I listened to many singers, had a few flings, but, in the end, I realized that I was trying to replace you with another you – one that only existed in my imagination.

We’ve had our rough patches in the past – me with my clinginess, and you with that weird country phase you went through back in 2004 – but I think we came through them all right. I know that, somewhere inside you, the woman I fell in love with can still be found. She’s older, wiser, and better now than she used to be. And I still want to be with her.

Anyway, I hope you can forgive me for my foolishness, and accept me back, knowing that I am willing to change for you. I know it’s “Not Too Late” for us, and I wish you would feel the same way.

Will you take me back?

□ yes

□ no

Please leave this note on top of my desk on your way out of the classroom for recess.

Love, Stephen

What the Heck Do I Write About?

I’ve gotta say: writing for a half-hour a day has been a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. At the same time, it’s been quite rewarding. Most days, I spend that half-hour fine-tuning the poems that I want to enter into the USPS annual poetry contest. Every now and then, though, I get a new poem out of the mix. So it’s been worthwhile, all in all.

Just for fun, I thought I’d take a quick look at the subjects of the poems I’ve been giving the most attention, as well as a few of the newer poems I’ve written. Recently I’ve been writing about:

The “Bloody Mary” urban legend
Captain America
Drawing a fat man
A porcelain doll
Dentists
Catholic priests
Oranges
An Old Testament prophet minutes away from getting stoned – and not in the fun way
A woman in a car accident
Abortion
Rain
Idolatry
Washing dishes
Bread
Sitting on the lawn, doing nothing
Math
A dead dog
Beheading
Ducks
Grasshoppers
A grumpy old man
Improv theater

A lot of these poems I first wrote about two and-a-half years ago, right around the time that I started taking my poetry writing seriously. I read these poems about a month ago and HATED them. I decided to rewrite them completely from scratch, without really referring to the original drafts. I then made a THIRD draft by combining the best elements of both versions. I’ve been very satisfied with the results.

Weekend Anecdotes

1 – I wrote a rhyming poem on Saturday for the first time in several years. Kinda fun as an exercise, but I’m generally not much for poetry that rhymes. See, to me, rhyming is more like a novelty than a viable poetic device. In improv, we play all sorts of rhyming games:

“I met this guy, and his name was Bob.
He like to eat corn on the cob.
He’s unemployed, so he has no job.
His room is a mess cuz he is a slob.”

And so on.

Rhyming’s too much of a parlor game for me to take it seriously. I leave rhymes to children’s writers like Seuss or Silverstein. Still, it was fun to try.

2 – While I was in the library, looking at the comic books, I was approached by a young woman. She asked if I’d ever considered a career in acting or modeling, then gave me her card. Guess she was a representative of a modeling agency.

I know I should be flattered, but I can’t help but wonder what type of person approaches gawky, lanky guys standing in the comics section of the public library.

3 – I saw the first few episodes of the television show Glee for the first time.

Jury’s still out as to how I feel. On the one hand, half the cast is so delightfully neurotic that they’re a treat to watch. On the other hand, half the cast is so stupidly neurotic that they’re painful to watch.

The writing is funny, but it’s hardly original. A lot of the romance smacks of the same star-crossed spice that flavored the Jim/Pam relationship in The Office. Also, in the very first episode, there’s a joke about a gay couple both… making a contribution in the conception of their daughter. The daughter’s voice over says she’s happy she doesn’t know which of the two is her “real” father, while pictures of the happy family flash across the screen. Of course, the dads are a biracial couple, so it’s pretty obvious which one the real dad IS… I guess the joke’s funny enough. The trouble is that the exact same joke is used in an episode of Arrested Development. So I don’t get a real sense of novelty when I watch the show.

But I’m not gonna lie: I kinda love the music.

4 – During sacrament meeting at church yesterday, I worked on sketching the young woman speaking at the pulpit. I turned out an okay likeness, but, for some reason, the portrait came off looking a bit… mannish. I showed the picture to the girl sitting next to me, who was kind enough to point out what was missing.

“She needs a waist,” she said, “and boobs.”

Then, to help me picture the whole thing, she outlined the figure of a woman in the air with her hands, just so I knew exactly where all the curvy parts are. In case I was having trouble, I guess.

Wish I Said it First #5

#5

"I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary."

- Victor Borge

Okay, I don't have children. But if I did... Man, this is a funny line.

Daily Sketches

1.6.10 - I drew the Nordstrom's ad model on 1.5.10 because I was fascinated by the shapes and angles of her body. I decided to try to focus more on the body in a specific pose rather than ramrod straight.

I'm pleased with this sketch from the neck down. Even the hands, which I normally detest, don't look half bad here. Mind, they're not GREAT, but they're far better than most anything else I've done freehand recently.

The head looks a bit out of proportion to me. It also looks like Boomhauer from King of the Hill.

1.7.10 - This is Victor. He likes it windy.

1.8.10 - I seem to have difficulty drawing women's faces. This particular one didn't work out as well as I hoped - mainly because I set out to draw a YOUNG woman. When I added the wrinkles, the picture started looking better.

On both the front and side views, I'm disappointed with how the hair turned out. Hair's still something I need to work on learning to draw better.

1.9.10 - This picture evolved from a perverse practice I indulged in as a missionary. We'd always look forward to the bi-annual General Conference edition of the Ensign so we could look through the photographs and designate a "Miss Conference Edition" - who, ironically enough, was usually a sister missionary.

Anyway, after the fiasco of trying to draw a young woman on 1.8.10, I opted to look for a photograph of one to use as a model. Not having many pictures of women simply lying around in my house (nor any Nordstrom's ads), I turned to the Fall 2009 General Conference issue and found the above picture. Drew it while watching Doctor Who. I think it turned out okay.

I'm most proud of the way I drew the woman's hair. I added the texture by drawing with the side of my pencil rather than the tip. I don't know if this is Accepted Drawing Procedure (tm), but I'm more or less pleased with the effect, anyway.

Daily Sketches

I've made a goal for New Year's that I'll complete one sketch per day. Don't know if I'm going to inflict every single one of these sketches upon the internet, but I'll definitely post my favorites.

Well, when I get to the point where I can discriminate. For now, you get them all.



1.1.10 - I drew the earlobes too big, so I added those huge earrings to explain them.

There's no excuse for why this guy's grabbing his crotch.

Still really weak on figure drawing. I haven't put in the practice like I have on faces.

1.2.10 - Girl's shoulders are too broad, arms and legs too thin, and skirt's too flat.

I kinda like how the face and hair turned out, even if she DOES look like she's got sideburns.

I purposely avoided drawing her feet. I have a feeling that'll be a trend.

1.3.10 - I still think suits are easy to draw.

I didn't set out to draw a fat man, but I decided to go with it. I made the features on his face a bit too small, so I added a few extra details, turned it into a charicature.

You can actually see that I first drew the guy sitting. I decided it looked terrible, so I decided to make him stand up. In the end, I'm pretty proud of this one.

1.4.10 - The spiky hair is a bit too reminiscent of manga. I'm hoping to steer clear of that a bit more in the future.

Drawing a guy with folded arms took a LOT longer than I anticipated. The arms never looked quite right. I finally figured that I needed to angle the arms INTO the kid's abdomen instead of AWAY from it. That helped fix things.

I like the fingers I drew, but the hand as a whole still looks BAD. I'll keep working on limbs.

1.5.10 - I saw this model on the cover of a Nordstrom's ad. I decided I had to draw her. The hats look sorta stupid, but I think I captured the overall effect.

I cheated a little bit - the bracelet and scarf were both these enormous beaded monstrosities. I decided to simplify a little bit.

I'm pretty sure this stands as evidence that I CAN draw hands, but I needed a model. I also goofed up the proportions: the girl's hand is EXACTLY as big as her head. But I'm still very happy with the overall effect.

Wish I Said it First #4

#4

"When the sun found the moon
She was drinking tea in a garden
Under the green umbrella trees
In the middle of summer."

-Panic! At the Disco, "When the Day Met the Night," Pretty. Odd.

I truly, totally, unironically love this song, and I kinda wish I'd thought of it first. There's no joke here - unless you count my liking Panic! At the Disco. Which I don't. So there.

Fresh Start in 2010

New Year’s resolutions are a tricky thing. Last year, on a whim, I made up a list of thirteen resolutions I really had very little intention of keeping. Most of them were gags. Ironically, I think the gag resolutions are the ones I’ve kept the best (I think I said “Buehler” once this whole year).

I’ve been impressed by some of you out there in the vast expanses of Internetland, though, and some of the resolutions YOU’VE been making. In particular, I remember a resolution one person made last year (I’d call her a friend, but she’s really only a friend in the Facebook sense) to make 2009 the best year of her life. From everything I saw of her, it worked. She didn’t only SAY she’d have the best year of her life in January, but she kept working towards it right up to the end of December by simply staying positive.

Now, I’m not saying that’s an EASY task. But it’s definitely an attitude worth adopting.
To that end, I’m going to adopt a strategy of another Facebook friend. I almost never speak to this person, but I stumbled across her New Year’s resolutions (again, posted on the net), and her approach appealed to me. She made two sets of goals: personal accomplishments and personal development. The accomplishments are things she would RELISH crossing off her list, and the other are things she would REFINE about herself. Again, it’s the optimism here that appeals to me, so I think I’m going to follow her example and set similar goals for myself.

RELISH – These goals focus mainly on the things I find the most joy in.

1 – Write for a half hour and complete at least one sketch per day. Now, I know that by setting a goal that requires a daily effort, I create a chore for myself rather than a hobby to enjoy. Normally, I dread work (just ask my boss), but I think that WORK is exactly what I need right now. My biggest regrets from childhood are the missed opportunities from NOT practicing the piano or the viola, because I kind of wish I could play musical instruments. I never made a passive interest a goal I was willing to work for. Well, NO MORE. I’ve even talked to a few people about keeping tabs on each other as we pursue similar goals. I’m hoping a little bit of extra accountability will help make these goals more than wishful-writing (which, by the way, is the same reason why I’m posting them on my blog).

2 – Make at least one submission to a journal or magazine per month. More when I can handle it. The one exception might be the month of January, as I’m going to be busy getting ready for goal #3.

3 – Enter at least 15 poems in the Utah State Poetry Society Annual Contest. Deadline: February 1. Right now, I have about 14 poems I’d consider submitting. Of those 14, only 5 are really good enough that I’d be willing to submit them. I have a busy month ahead of me. And, frankly, I’m looking forward to it.

4 – Read at least 3 books on art technique. I have some fantastic friends who have been willing to help me develop a little fascination with doodles into a full-fledged hobby. I’m still an amateur at this point – and that’s fine. I like learning something new and being BAD at it to start with. It’s fun. But I want to get better. I have ideas about potential projects, ways of combining poetry and art, that I’m not ready to tackle yet. Also, I’m not going to lie – I kinda want to draw comics.

4.5 – At least one of the above books will be on charcoal technique. I got some charcoal from my brother for Christmas – and it’s a gift I very much appreciate. I have every intention of learning how to use said gift.

5 – Read at least 3 books on theatrical improvisation. I haven’t had time to audition for any plays recently, and I don’t see myself auditioning for any in the near future. However, I still take the stage about once per week with The Jesters Royale. And I love it. What started as a way to hang out with friends at Wednesday night workshops has turned into a hobby I have more passion for than I expected. Currently, I help teach those workshops, and I feel like a bit of a fraud since I know very little about acting technique. I plan on correcting that. Besides, I’m not such a good performer that I couldn’t do with a little more attention to the basics.

6 – Attend the temple at least once per month. I don’t spend nearly enough time working on my spiritual side – and I LIKE going to the temple. There’s no reason for me not to do it more.

7 – Attend to my church responsibilities regularly, including monthly attempts at home teaching. My best experiences in different wards have been in the wards where I have the best relationship with the people I home teach. I’ve started to develop decent friendships with those I’ve currently been assigned to visit, and I’d like to continue to cultivate those relationships.

REFINE – These are the goals I set for my own personal development.

1 – No more “That’s what she said” jokes. I’ve been working on this goal for maybe two days, and already this is killing me. It’s been something of a game to me – an exercise of wit. Well, I think I can be witty without resorting to this kind of humor.

And I know enough people that’ll make the jokes for me. I probably won’t really need to vocalize them again.

2 – Be proud of who I am. Because who I am is awesome. I’ve branded myself as a nerd for years, and I stand by that self-appellation. The thing is, the nerd culture – especially on the internet – is self-deprecating. Nerds revel in being outsiders, social deviants. I’ve just decided that I don’t need to think less of myself because of my taste in movies or whatever. I like what I like for the reasons I like them – and those are pretty good reasons.

3 – Listen more. I’ve known for twenty-five years and eight months that I have a lot of good ideas, and I’ll share them with anyone at the slightest invitation. Unfortunately, I’ve missed out on learning that others are just as interesting – and often more so – than I am.

4 – Explore more – especially in the world of literature. An interest in comic books led me to read REAL graphic novels – like Persepolis, which tells the story of the Iranian revolt, or Asterios Polyp, which deconstructs the simplistic ideology of a narcissistic architect. An interest in art has led me to start reading picture books – like Tales from Outer Suburbia, which produces the exact same sensation I get when reading good poetry – a sense of enlightenment and enrichment. There’s a lot of good stuff out there that I don’t know about yet, which means I’m missing out.

5 – Adventure more. I tend to fall into comfortable ruts and stay in them. This is basically a resolution to say “no” a little less, especially when my only reason for not wanting to do something is fear.

6 – Have fun. 2010 is going to be MY “best year ever.” So I’m gonna get out there and start enjoying it. Starting… now.