How To Write Absolutely Everything

Some people, I've learned, would love to write, only they have no idea how to come up with all those great ideas that fill the pages of the great books of the world. Luckily, I decided to put myself to work developing a system on how to get those pesky plots out of the way so you can get down to the serious business of writing - raking in piles of cash. It is with great pride I present to you a brief but accurate list on the strongest plots for your given genre. I call it

S.R. Braddy's Guide on

How To Write Absolutely Everything!

Dramatic Fiction

People talk about their feelings while the sky is gray.

Science Fiction

A classic movie plot is retold, BUT IN SPACE.

Fantasy Fiction

A small group of misfits defeat an evil wizard who threatens to eat the planet.

Romantic Fiction

Miserable people have sex and then stop being miserable.

Horror Fiction

Miserable people have sex and then die.

Literary Fiction

Miserable people have sex and then continue to be miserable.

Pornographic Fiction

Miserable people have sex and then continue to have sex.

Mystery Fiction

The husband did it.

Noir Fiction

The wife did it.

Suspense Fiction

The main character did it.
Seriously, it's never actually the butler.

Literary Nonsense

Boingo boingo fungal scrunchie.

Children's Literature

The main character has a dog.

Award-Winning Children's Literature

The dog dies.

Young Adult Literature

Kids in high school get bullied until they find a group of friends with similar interests.

Award-Winning Young Adult Literature

Kids in high school get bullied. Then someone dies.

Young Adult Science Fiction

Kids in high school get bullied. Meanwhile, the government is evil.

Young Adult Fantasy

One of the Universal Monsters falls in love with an unremarkable teenage girl.

Historical Fiction

Put historical documents into quotation marks.

Autobiography

Write everything that happens to you while thinking, "This'll be an awesome book."

Memoir

Write everything that happens to you. Compare your life to furniture.

Stage Drama

All characters talk about a years-old tragedy.

Stage Comedy

All characters talk with a British accent.

Stage Musical

Set the story of your favorite novel to the music of your favorite pop star.

Poetry

Write about any subject for ten lines. Write about your dead parent for two.

Children's Poetry

Rhyme. When you can't think of a rhyme, make up words.

Stage Musical

Set the story of your favorite novel to the music of your favorite pop star.

Young Adult Poetry

Copy and paste deviantart.com.

Slam Poetry

Rewrite your standup comedy routine in loose verse. Add more anger.

Beat Poetry

Get high. Write a bunch of gibberish. Painstakingly revise it for several months, and then tell everyone it was spontaneous.

If you like these entries, be sure to check out other fine products from S.R. Braddy's instructional writing guides, including:

S.R. Braddy's Guide on

How To Write Absolutely Anything! (Music Edition)

Pop Music Lyrics - Guys

Express love for any part of a woman's anatomy (eyes, lips, badonkadonk). Set to drum machine.

Pop Music Lyrics - Girls

Verbally hate on all men. Set to piano.

S.R. Braddy's Guide on

How To Write Absolutely Anything! (Comics Edition)

Superhero Comics

Trace pictures from Maxim magazine. Write in sound effects.

Newspaper Comics

Get a real job.