...And Boy Are My Legs Tired!

I've been making a lot of changes this year, many of which are happening RIGHT NOW. I'm in the process of moving, and I've decided to take a bit of a break from theatrical performance (more on that last bit later). I woke up early this morning in my brand new apartment, and decided it was time to enact one more change.

So I went jogging for the first time in, like, ten years.

Now, I've not completely neglected my physical fitness over the years. I can think of several instances when I've sat in front of the television, lifting a five-pound dumbbell with one hand while packing my mouth full of doughnuts with the other. I thought I'd be able to handle the exertion and marginal discomfort of a brisk morning jog.

I was wrong.

I live pretty close to a church house, so I decided to try a few laps around the grounds. I jogged five laps, walked two, shampoo, rinse, etc. By the end of the first five laps, I felt a slight tingling sensation in my windpipe. The tingling was just a shadow of what was to come.

After ten laps, my body screamed obsceneties at me. I felt as though all the air I had gulped in refused to leave my body but instead secluded itself in a corner in my head where it swelled until my brain threatened to collapse in on itself. My mouth filled with the taste of my own lungs.

My legs and knees shook violently, and I felt a little like how the apostle Peter must have felt trying to walk on water; however, instead of calling out to the Lord to save me, I begged him to let me die.

It's amazing how physical exercise sharpens your sense of perception. I took notice - more than usual, at least - of the gulls flying above my head and the gangbangers walking down the street at a far more sensible pace than I had adopted. Most keenly I remember passing a puddle shaped like a woman's head. She wore her hair in a conservative bun, much like one of the early Utah covered wagon pioneers. Her lips pouted out, as if to say, "Aw, are your feet getting sore from your little walky-poo? Well, at least you HAVE shoes. See, when I was walkin' across the entire country so I could give birth to your great grandfather in a dirt hole, I had to EAT my shoes!"

The puddles were very vociferous this morning.

I guess you could say it was an encouraging start to a potential new exercise regimen. I'm already looking forward to my next workout tomorrow morning. I'll just need to stop at Krispy Kreme on my way home from work tonight.