Kinder Toy Superstars

A pair of bored LDS missionaries serving in Olomouc, CZ, looked forward with great anticipation to their weekly trip to the grocery store - not so they could buy tasty and nutritious muesli, but so they could alleviate their boredom by building up their collection of Kinder Surprise toys.

It eventually got to the point where they no longer ate the candy - the chocolate eggshell was simply another obstacle preventing them from getting to the plastic treasures inside.

Here, then, are the greatest spoils that one of these young warriors found in his quest:


These guys came in three separate eggs. Each egg held the pieces to one of the soda pop cans plus a little green dude (who looks sadly like one of those jokers from the Mucinex commercials).

What makes these toys COOL, though, is that the soda cans actually hooked up, so your little blobs of green sloth could actually hang out together and have a... litter-beach party.

STILL COOL!


These two came with a little poster that cheekily displayed them participating in a race together. However, they're still quite awesome - their heads bob as they roll on the ground, like little rubber Muppets. That's pretty intricate machinery for a little kid's toy inside a chocolate egg.

Now THESE were the prize of my collection:




These knights and ladies each came in their own egg. The knights each had a matching squire, and even the princess had a little servant boy with the crown. Those little gold knights up top had... almost nothing to do with the collection, yet here they are.

It took me FOREVER to find all these little guys - at least thirteen eggs. And yet, I STILL don't have the whole collection. There's a little witch that matches up with the wizard in the top picture. I never even saw it.

However, I heard a rumor that another missionary a couple of cities over got the witch in one of his eggs... and then decided it would be fun to burn her at the stake.

Jerk.

Things I'll Love Forever: Easter Candy

I know that, when Easter rolls around, we really should be focused on more important things, but I just can't help it - I love me some Easter candy.

1 - I don't know what it is, but just about EVERY SINGLE CANDY BAR tastes better egg-shaped - Butterfinger, Snickers... even Reese's peanut butter eggs are a delight - and I don't really care for Reese's otherwise.

2 - Even though there's a huge variety of flavors, I just can't get enough of the original variety of Starburst Jelly Beans. Eating them is a delicate process - the green ones are the first to go, followed by the yellow and purple. Orange, red, and pink I save for last - they're the best.

If I could buy a bag of Starburst: Just the Pink Ones, I totally would. Heck, M & Ms come in just the green bags at Valentines. Someone make this happen!

3 - I guess these aren't TECHNICALLY Easter candies, but Kinder Surprise Eggs are about the most fun a person can have with candy. A chocolate egg with an awesome little toy inside? That's pure joy in a foil wrapper.

Of course, not all the toys are great. I mean, you can get a four-piece jigsaw puzzle or a flipbook the size of your thumbnail. However, if you get one of these:


Then it's like Christmas and Easter rolled into one great big holiday ball of misplaced Christian celebration!

4 - Check this out:


IT'S A GINORMOUS EGG!!!

That's just classy.

5 - I know a lot of people think these are gross, but I LOVE Cadbury Cream Eggs. Every year, I buy a four-pack of the eggs, eat them all in ten minutes, and get sick to my stomach. It's as traditional as wearing big hats to church.

However:


Shrinking eggs? Not cool, Cadbury.

Okay, so maybe it's a bit childish to get worked up so much over candy every spring, but I prefer to think of it as a ritual of renewal. Easter candy makes me feel young again, and that's why I love it forever.

By the way, if you're wondering why I didn't say anything about Peeps, it's because they're gross. So there.

So, Easter

Easter's a great holiday. It really is. I mean, it's right at the beginning of spring, which I'm pretty sure is just about the best freakin' time of year. There's all this talk about renewal and life - especially among Christians, when we celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ. Besides, if you live in Utah, it's about the only time of year when you actually get to see the color "green."

But I've gotta be honest: I'm not too fond of Easter celebrations. I mean, I don't really get off on coloring eggs, I don't dress up extra nice for church, and I stopped believing in the Easter Bunny MONTHS ago. There are no gift exchanges (except for the "secret bunny" we did here in the office, but that's another story), no Easter carols, no costume parties... Really, I don't see too much of a reason to get all exci- *cough* *hack* *cough* *GASP* ACK!!!! u7y66uy7u7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y7y

What's happened here? Oh my goodness! Doctor, come quick!

Hmm, this looks bad. But I've seen this before... Nurse! I need an IV drip with that cream from the Cadbury Eggs, stat!

Yes, Doctor!

Good, good. The color's coming back to his face, breathing's normal... Ah, he's coming around.

Huh, wha... What happened?

You passed out there for a minute. Looks like you had a pretty serious candy deficiency. But you should be okay now.

Wow. I feel... so weak...

It'll take you a couple minutes to get your strength back. You need to leave that IV in for a while, then I want you to take at least two Starburst jellybeans every hour for the next day or two. You'll be fine.

Gee, thanks, Doc!

Well, I don't really have the energy for this anymore. So I'm gonna... take it easy for a while. Happy Easter, everyone.

Boy, am I winded!