So I had a talk with a friend of mine recently who's in a bit of a troubled relationship. My friend thinks they may be at the point in the relationship where they need to... umm... re-evaluate their relationship. However, as much as my friend needs this closure, they aren't sure if their partner is ready to have "the talk."
Back when I was in college, I dated a girl for a couple of months. Things went well for a while, but I eventually got the feeling that I needed to end things. Sadly, around that same time, my girlfriend's nephew died. I felt like it would be a bad time to end the relationship, so, not wanting to add more emotional strain to her life, I opted to keep the relationship going. When I saw her again, she told me she thought it was time to end the relationship, and we broke up. Not even two days had passed since her nephew died, yet she knew that the breakup was the best thing for us.
From this experience (and this is what I told my friend), I learned that the right thing to do is the right thing to do, regardless of timing. Even though I thought I shouldn't break up with my college sweetheart, it turns out that it WAS time for both of us to move on, and we both knew it. My friend, on the other hand, says that they would prefer to wait until the right time, as doing the right thing at the wrong time can have a negative impact.
So I guess I don't have an answer to the issue - as this is probably another one of those "case by case basis" things. What do y'all think here?
8 comments:
I can see the point of "wait for a better time," but a better time for who? In the case you mentioned, where the nephew had died, it was clearly better for your girlfriend not to have a going-nowhere relationship on her shoulders as well as the grief of losing her nephew.
If a couple is not communicating enough (or honestly enough) to both know the relationship is over, then how does one party know if it's "better timing" for the other to wait to break up?
I don't know if that all makes sense or not, but it sounds like your friend is having a case of "I just don't want to deal with this right now, I'd rather be in a "meh" relationship." Tell him/her to put on their big boy/girl pants and cut things off as kindly and quickly as possible.
xox
This is always a hard subject. Sometimes timing can be off and you should wait. Other times it can be necessary to ask oneself WHY they feel the timing is off.
In this case I feel that they are merely trying to delay the inevitable.
The truth of the matter is if the other party thinks that everything is fine they are never going to be ready to have "the talk".
Your friend needs to decide why they are putting this off. If they feel it's something they can (and want) to fix, then that's what should be addressed. If they feel that the relationship has run its course then they need to end it. Dragging it out is only going to make it harder for both of them.
This sounds like a talk we had, yet not like a talk we had.
I'm kinda IN this situation, but the question lingering is not whether to STOP dating, but to START dating.
I want answers, yet when I think long and hard about it, I knew that when he and I talked about things a month ago, it wasn't right to walk away and wasn't right to become exclusive. Now, the time is soon coming for another "talk" and I know for sure we either need to begin dating exclusively or we both need to explore other options and walk away, lest we get to a point where we are wasting each other's time. I feel the past couple months have been very important in getting to know each other and truly evaluate if "we" could go anywhere.
I am a strong advocate that there IS a right time to talk about things and you never know when that is going to be. I find, that if I am dating the right kind of people, they are good communicators and these things just happen when they happen.
This may sound dumb, but I prayed about when to talk with my boy and that the opportunity would arise and, sure enough, the NEXT DAY we talked. It was the right time.
I ramble.
Speaking of timing... this is perfect timing for me. I'm dealing with this right now. It's one of those complicated all-but-defined relationships, and it's pretty much been over for about a month, but we've been dragging it out... It just needs to end. So thank you for the motivation. :-)
My friend Miko tried to post this, but couldn't for some reason. I should share her thoughts:
I personally believe there is no need to waste anyone's time. It would be a lie to stay together. There are several relationships I wish I would have ended when I first felt the need rather then waiting for a "better time". The sooner you let them go the sooner both parties can move on and get closer to finding the right someone.
Just throwing in my two cents.. The last time I had a boyfriend was exactly a year ago. He decided to give me my birthday gift, and in the same swoop dump me. Sure it kind of sucked, but it was one of those where when it needs to end, end it. No excuse.
Never drag it out. It's never good to try to pretend things are stil okay when they're not.
I went through this a few months ago. I needed to break it off but decided I wanted to wait. well that just added more drama to all the stuff I was going through already. If you think you should break it off don't delay it
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