De-Mystifying Dating: The Commitment Conundrum

Ours is the blandest love the world has ever known.

Even though I tend to look at dating the same way most people look at an unknown substance stuck to the bottom of their shoe, the concerns of the "Great Unattached Generation" still command a lot of interest from me, mainly when it comes to courtship etiquette and rituals. I've been even more preoccupied with the dating question, especially since everyone from my roommate to my dad, from my ecclesiastical leaders to my court-ordered therapist seems to think that I'm not socializing enough (I honestly don't know WHERE they get that idea - after all, I've been on a date in the last six months, and that should be enough for anyone). Anyway, with so much... shall we say subtle encouragement to re-enter the dating scene, I decided to attend a presentation offered by my church group on the subject, "De-Mistifying Dating."

Let me first say that, despite the onslaught of sarcasm and verbal eye-rolling that is about to ensue, I respect both the workshop coordinators and all its attendees. Of course, respect never got a giggle out of anyone, so let the mockery commence!

Before the presentation actually began, we were all given a large booklet entitled "The Dating Diner Menu," which... Man I hate food metaphors. I find them demeaning to all parties involved. I'm plagiarising myself a bit here, but if romance were REALLY like going to a restaurant, a person would be able to sit down, snap for a waiter, and say, "Yes, I'll have a tall brunette, curly-haired with good housekeeping skills. Hold the career aspirations."

That person would be sexist, and he would terrible.

"The Dating Menu" contains a huge list of ideas for different dating activities, some of them legit, some a little silly, and one that's... well...

"Blindfold your date and drive around so he/she loses track of where you are. Go somewhere unfamiliar (like a friends [sic] attic or basement), take the blindfold off and have your date. This could be a dinner that you have prepared in advance, watch a movie, play games, etc. Blindfold your date and take him/her home. Your date will have no idea where he/she has been for a few hours."

Heck, if THAT'S your goal...

I almost forgot to mention - as part of this workshop, the coordinators had us all stand up, pair off, and play the "Pass the Orange" game. You know the one - one person holds an orange under his chin and has to pass it to his partner using only his chin. Yeah, THAT one. And they roped in most of the attendees at the workshop to participate (including one particular young man who really hates being touched). The IDEA was to show that physical intimacy doesn't necessarily imply a committed emotional relationship. I learned that necking yields sweet fruit, which is an odd lesson for a church group to try and pass on.

That awkwardness aside, let's actually get to the POINT of this post. One of the questions raised during the workshop was, "At what point should you move from dating around with a person to dating exclusively?" There were a lot of opinions thrown around, of course. One person suggested a five-date minimum. Another person tried to be the voice of reason and say "it's different for everyone." Surprisingly, the workshop coordinators admitted that they were not an exclusive item until they were engaged.

"Will you break up with Kevin?"

I mentioned this to a friend who (despite the fact that he is in a committed relationship) said he agrees. He would never ask out a girl who WAS "going steady" as you kids say, but that's more because he's a gentleman than because he thinks there's something inherently WRONG with it. As odd as it is, I find as I think about it more that... well, I agree too. If you really want to commit to a dedicated relationship, then you're already heading towards marriage, so why not make it official?

Wiser than we knew.

If there's one problem the good little Mormon boys and girls of my generation have (myself included), it's that they take the subject of dating FAR too seriously. I've heard many people say they hate asking a girl out on a date because they feel it's almost akin to a marriage proposal. The solution, it seems, would be to take the sense of obligation and commitment OUT of the dating stage in a relationship and put it where it belongs - back in the engagement.

I guess the whole purpose of the seminar could have been summed up with a two by four with the words "Lighten Up" written on it in black marker.