Famous Last (Dating) Words

Last night I went on a date - first one in about five months. I spent the afternoon cleaning out my car in preparation for the big night. Then, when six-thirty rolled around, I drove up to my date's apartment and picked her up. We walked out to the car, I turned the key in the ignition... and the battery died.

Five minutes into the date, and we've already had the most spectacularly explosive display of impotence I think I've ever experienced.

So, yeah, to commemorate my less-than-impressive return to the world of dating, I bring you a list of some of the worst dates I've ever been on, summed up in ironic doorstep farewells:

• "That was fun tonight, but wasn't the other couple a bit too old and married to be at a high school dance?"
• "I had a good time tonight. Sorry about the other couple sobbing in the backseat. What a way to spend Prom, though."
• "It's been good talking to myself tonight. All night."
• "Thanks for coming out with me tonight. Good thing nobody drove off with my car when I left the keys in the ignition, huh?"
• "Well, it was nice to meet you. Also nice to meet your baby-daddy."

And now our latest entry:

• "Instead of a good-night hug, can I just get a jump so I can get home?"

*ADD: I should clarify that last night wasn't a BAD date... but I'm never going out with that girl (ie: my car) again.