That's the spittle of discipline.
Anyway, you remember when I read Leadership and Self-Deception a couple of months ago? Actually, this might be the book that set the whole tone of the year for me. There's one little bit from the book that I've been thinking about a lot. I can't quote it exactly, so I'll have to paraphrase:
People often get so hung up in their own concerns that they don't recognize that other people have needs. The "self-deception" in the title of the book refers to our ability to objectify others in a professional environment, so that people become either tools for us to use to our benefit or obstacles standing in the way of us achieving our goals. What this means, practically, is that most people aren't really concerned with what our excuses are for failure in the workplace (or in life, for that matter). They only care that we're inconveniencing them.
This understanding that people are usually so focused on their own concerns that they don't have time for my rationalizations has led to two changes in my behavior. The first one is, I'd say, almost unequivocally a good one: I've stopped making excuses. Since nobody cares what they are, if I screw up, I've consciously tried to apologize without justifying my actions and promise to do better next time - which, really, is about all anyone can do.
UNFORTUNATELY, I've also come to expect this behavior from everyone else, which means that I have NO patience AT ALL for other peoples' excuses.
Now, like most self-deluded people, I think I'm right in not accepting excuses. I know a woman who always shifts the blame for her failures. Every time something goes wrong - and I mean every time - she either spends the next half-hour either looking for evidence to exhonerate or just straight up blames someone else for the failure. I kinda lost all patience with her when she forgot to complete a project and then turned to me and said, "Why didn't you remind me?"
If you ask me, that's unacceptable behavior. I refuse to be held accountable for anyone else completing their given responsibilities unless I'm their supervisor in some capacity (which, in this case, I'm not). HOWEVER, I recognize that the way to change this behavior in others is not necessarily through verbal chastisement, and it CERTAINLY isn't through grudge-holding.
Which, I guess, is the ultimate problem - if I get fed up with other people's excuses, it hurts no one but myself.
3 comments:
Hmm. Obviously I haven't read the book, but I kinda get the message that we should stop objectifying people (included ourselves). We objectify when we view others as a means to an end, or as an inconvenience. We also do so when we deflect accountability. Seeing people as an end in themselves will both lead to more patience for other's behavior, as well as enough self-respect, and respect for others, that we keep our excuses to a minimum.
I think if we completely eliminate excuses, however, that we are denying too much humanity. Sometimes unfair things happen in life, and people should be able to share, and people should be willing to listen.
I quickly realized this after hearing so many of other people's excuses in the theatre.
Excuses are time wasters. If you're late for rehearsal, and you just spent 10 minutes telling us WHY you're late, not only have you wasted our time by being late, but now we've had to WAIT for you to TELL us why you're late. If you're late, just apologize, come in quietly, and get to work.
Same goes for not getting a project done. Don't tell me WHY you're such a loser and can't get it done, just freakin' do it!
I hate excuses, and I hate it when people who don't take accountability for their actions. I think when you stop making excuses you are well on your way to acting like an adult. Unfortunately there are a lot of adults who never learn this.
I loved the book, would recommend it to anyone. Glad you enjoyed it, good luck with your fun new adventures!!!! I am cheering for you from all the way out here!!
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