After this weekend's musical exploits, I had a brief conversation with a concerned female friend of mine, who tried to understand why I don't date more. Her motivation is suspect - I believe she wishes to hook me up with someone, and that's a no-no - but the conversation proved enlightening.
See, even though I have a long list of reasons why I'm still single, I don't know that I've quite put together why I have so much difficulty DATING. You know, how to actually get a girl's number and call it or whatever.
Well, in talking to my friend, I was able to formulate a short list of rules that I, for whatever reason, have been adhering to when trying to get to know new people - specifically, women. The list is... enlightening.
To start with, the rules seem to build on each other fairly simply. Each rule leads to the next. They're possibly a little restrictive, but I don't believe they're unreasonable.
- Before asking a girl on a date, one must build up an appropriate level of familiarity.
- Familiarity is built up through conversation.
- All conversations must have motivation behind them.
Now here's the rule that sends the whole thing off the rails:
- Wanting to get to know someone is not an appropriate motivation for conversation.
All of a sudden, the whole thing becomes chaotic. If there's this girl I want to ask out, I have to talk to her before I can ask her out, but I can't just go up and talk to her because that's not how you get to know someone, so I can continue to attend whatever activity I am first introduced to the girl in, but I CAN'T just go up and talk to her because that's not how it's done.
Basically, unless there's some sort of miraculous immaculate conversation, I'm a bit hosed from the get-go. Thanks, subconscious rule fascists!
9 comments:
Huh, I guess I kind of thought that was how it's done. :)
xox
So, you really like to learn new things from books (Mr. Reference Librarian), but learning about a girl isn't motivating enough for a conversation? I mean, I'm not for objectifying women, but, maybe you should think of them as really, really good books.
Ooo, I like that Heather.
Well, admitting it is the first step right, Steve? :)
Um, isn't the purpose of a date (and dating in general) to get to know people?
(I second Heather)
Way around Stephen's weird rules:
He sees a girl involved in something he is already involved in and has to talk with her. HAS to.
But he can't talk to her simply to get to know her for dating.
She's a nice girl and will talk with him and become his friend.
Then he can talk to her because they are friends.
Then he can grow a pair and ask out his new friend.
As long as her name isn't Larissa or Kristen:-)
I can see where you're coming from, Stephen. I loathe starting conversations from scratch -- sooo much easier when they mention they like a movie you like, or you need car advice or something. Otherwise, you start by asking awkward things like "where are you from" and "where do you work?" Rarely do either of those questions inspire more than 5 minutes of conversation, if that. It's one of the reasons I usually don't say much when in a group of near-strangers. I like to know something about them before I start inflicting myself on them.
I feel like you should ask girls on dates before knowing them first. I bet it would make for some funny stories after.
Why don't you just build a woman? It worked for This guy.
I totally agree with all of those rules. That's probably why I hardly ever dated (4.5 years at BYU and only one guy asked me on a date. I try not to let it affect my self-esteem). That's why I'm so glad I lucked out and married someone I got to know a long time ago in high school, a magical place where I didn't think anything had to have a point or a reason.
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