The Ballad of Braddy and Katie

PART TWO - THE INVISIBLE COURTSHIP

(read Part One)

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING*: High school can cause unnecessary melodrama and unfortunate fashion decisions. What you consider "cool" as a teenager will cause mild to severe embarrassment in later years.

Summer vacation rolled around, and, suddenly, I lost pretty much all contact with the girl I went on my very first date with. I spent most of the summer doing janitorial work at Lake Ridge Elementary School, but, every now and again, I'd spend a Saturday night at local church dances. I went to each of these dances, hoping I'd run into Katie again. I think she actually did go to one of them, so, naturally, I spent the whole night avoiding her.


I also think I may have had a nervous throw-up (cuz, you know, teenager).

When the school year started up again, I went out for the fall musical, Li'l Abner (a surprisingly excellent show that deserves to be better known than it is). Much to my delight, Katie auditioned for the show as well. We both made chorus parts, which meant I had another place to accidentally run in to my dream girl and pretend I barely remembered her.

The one drawback to being in Li'l Abner, though, was that my part REQUIRED me to grow out my facial hair as long as I could. I went three months without shaving. Nowadays, that'd give me a pretty substantial and rugged beard, but back then, my follicle ferocity wasn't NEARLY where it is now. I looked... like a patchwork badger. It was sad.

About this time, word got out among my peers that I had my sights set on some girl - but no one knew who (unless they had eyes). I'd long cultivated an image of disinterest in dating - I just wasn't interested in anyone - so my friends all thought it was a pretty big deal. I still felt like it needed to be a secret.

Eventually, my buddy Garret caught Katie and me having a real conversation. He said nothing, but he stood there for five minutes, looking back and forth between me and her with his eyebrows raised. Finally, I pulled him aside, where I shoved him against the wall and threatened to kill him if he told anyone (cuz, you know, teenager).

So I thought things were going well... but then, HE showed up.

His name was Dwayne. He was a member of the football team, a brilliant tenor, and he played Lonesome Polecat in the show (meaning he actually got to shave). He set his sights on Katie, and I lost pretty much all chance of being with the girl I liked.

Closing night of the show, I pulled Katie aside and told her that I really liked her. She was kind about it, but she showed a bit of confusion. I didn't know quite what to make of her expression until the cast party that night, when she left the restaurant with Dwayne's arm around her shoulder. Needless to say, I was crushed. I went home that night and sat in my room with the lights off, playing to Savage Garden's "Gunning Down Romance" to myself on repeat.

We later had another talk, where Katie admitted that she liked me, too, but she also had feelings for Dwayne. She decided not to date either of us, for the time being, but to continue being friendly with everyone. I was totally OK with this decision.

The fickle high-school popularity fates then showered me with some favor. Garret had recently formed a small singing group with a couple of other guys from choir, and they needed an extra bass. They asked me to join up with them, and, soon, I was a member of the a capella quintet The Grasscutters (the name comes from an old slang term for stealing someone else's girl).

Right before the show, the other Grasscutters took me aside for a bit of a makeover. I shaved the beard, got my hair cut short, and added some blonde highlights (that really came out looking like leopard spots). By the time that curtain went up, I was hot, awesome, and ready to doo-whop to "In the Still of the Night" like nobody's business.

Katie sat front and center, and Dwayne was nowhere in sight.

TO BE CONTINUED

*The above warning was not actually issued by the Surgeon General.