Braddy Reads Twilight the Graphic Novel

So, after years of heaping ridicule on Twilight based almost purely on hearsay from other dissatisfied critics and passing up opportunity after opportunity to experience the story myself, I've finally decided to give Twilight a chance to prove that I've been wrong about it this whole time. After hearing about a graphic novel adaptation of the Stephenie Meyer "classic," I

picked up a copy from the library - thinking that the comic book adaptation would be the one I'd least hate on.

So is Twilight as bad as I always thought it would be?

Short answer: Well, not really.

Long answer: AUGHLGAGHLGOUGLGOUGH!!!

I want to be perfectly fair - well, as fair as the relative anonymity of the internet will allow me to be - so I'll start by saying that the artwork in the book is actually pretty good. Artist Young Kim draws everything in the bishounin style, which is an artistic rendering from Japanese manga that shows men with long, delicate (dare I say "feminine"?) features. It's not my personal taste, but it suits the subject matter pretty well.

Every now and again, though, you'll have an odd, photoshopped picture of a tree or a car, against which Young Kim has drawn her characters. It's oddly distracting at points, and has the same effect as posting an exquisitely-detailed oil-painted figure on a fuzzy felt background.

Of course, when we're talking about Twilight, it's not enough to just admire the pretty pictures. We HAVE to talk about the plot and dialog. Because they're bad. I mean, REALLY bad.

You know what happens in this first book? Bella moves to Forks, doesn't fit in, falls irrationally in love with some guy she doesn't know, and then finds out he's a vampire.

The end.

I guess this book only covers the first half of the original Twilight book. Which, fine, I guess we didn't need to get the whole story in a single volume. It's not like Twilight's making enough money on it's own.

The problem here is that, in what's probably the first 50% of the book, NOTHING HAPPENS. Okay, I guess Bella does almost get hit by a car, but that plot point only serves to show that our dear Edward is something more... than human. Which is as much information as we get on the dust jacket.

Dear cast of Twilight: DO SOMETHING!!!

And the dialog is so overblown. What it reminds me of is a teenager falling in love and thinking it's the best thing ever, so she comes up with the most grandiose descriptions for her love that she can imagine, which... I guess, actually makes sense. The problem, though, is that no one seems to really understand that this is IMMATURE love, FAKE love, SHALLOW love that the people involved will grow up to regret.

So how come nobody treats it that way?

More than the boring, plodding plot, more than the deformation of the traditional vampire, more than even the use of vampire blood lust as an abusive metaphor for sexual desire, Twilight fails because it claims to create an epic, sprawling love story from what is essentially Baby's First Crush TM. And that's just offensive.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb... What a stupid lamb."

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!