Unto You Is Born

Poem of the Week

Nativity

By Li-Young Lee

In the dark, a child might ask, What is the world?
just to hear his sister
promise, An unfinished wing of heaven,
just to hear his brother say,
A house inside a house,
but most of all to hear his mother answer,
One more song, then you go to sleep.

How could anyone in that bed guess
the question finds its beginning
in the answer long growing
inside the one who asked, that restless boy,
the night's darling?

Later, a man lying awake,
he might ask it again,
just to hear the silence
charge him, This night
arching over your sleepless wondering,

this night, the near ground
every reaching-out-to overreaches,

just to remind himself
out of what little earth and duration,
out of what immense good-bye,

each must make a safe place of his heart,
before so strange and wild a guest
as God approaches.

***

Squint and it's sort of about Christmas.

Actually, as dense as this poem is, I find it really beautiful. The image of the child in the darkness is truly striking. And the description of God as a guest both "strange and wild" carris a certain beauty with it, as well.

Caroling, Caroling

I haven't mentioned much what I've been doing this Christmastime. A few months ago, a (foxy and fabulous) friend of mine who has been affiliated with the Heritage Singers at This Is The Place Heritage Park posted on Facebook that their group needed a bass. Well, since I happen to be a bass, I thought I'd give it a go.

So, yeah, I'm participating in the Candlelight Christmas celebrations at This Is The Place. Honestly, it's one of the best Christmas things I've done in forever.

Back in my high school choir days, the Christmas season was my favorite because of the ridiculous number of performances we had. During the month of December, my choir wound up singing at something like 30 different venues. I loved it, and honestly Christmas just hasn't felt the same since then.

Now I get to walk around and sing Christmas songs three days a week. I've learned some new songs (a rendition of "Deck the Halls" in 7/8 time), some old standards (a version of "I'll Be Home For Christmas" that my senior choir dedicated to the families of the 9/11 victims), and... um... "Up on the Housetop."

Oh, and as an added bonus, I get to dress like this:

Hint: I'm the one on the left.

Anyway, if you get a chance (especially if you have little ones), come check out Candlelight Christmas this year. If you come on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, you'll probably run into the dapper gentleman in the picture above (the one on the left). If you can only come Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, come anyway. I hear the carolers those nights are both foxy and fabulous.

A Caroler's Christmas

Merry Christmas from 1890!

Braddy's Favorite (Unconventional) Christmas Specials

When I was a kid, I always got super excited for Christmas time because of all the STUFF that got shown on TV. Every day, there were at least a half-dozen Christmas specials I tried to make time for. You probably know the list - classics like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Raindeer, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, A Year Without a Santa Clause, and a bunch of other "not quite as good as Claymation" shows.

As an adult... I don't like 'em.

That's not to say I don't like any of the classic Christmas specials - I quite enjoy White Christmas and, despite its (many) failings, the musical adaptation of Scrooge manages to bring a tear to my eye. Most of the standard Christmas fair, though, leaves me feeling a bit unfulfilled, like a kid who didn't get his Red Rider BB Gun on Christmas morning.

Thankfully, with the plethora of Christmas specials out there, there's always something, perhaps just off the beaten path, that helps me to get in that Christmas spirit. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I dunno, but I think I like some of these better... even if they have almost nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas.

Here are my favorite "B side" holiday specials.

"Donald's Snow Fight"

Really, this is more of a "winter" special than a true "Christmas" special, but that doesn't make it any less awesome. Donald and his nephews get in an ever escalating snow fight, starting with the usual snowballs, and ending with mousetraps, ice missles, and... um... fire arrows? It's a lot of fun, and, like a lot of the classic Disney shorts, it holds up well.

Doctor Who, "A Christmas Carol"

The Doctor takes on the role of the Ghosts of Christmas in an attempt to change the heart of a miserly old man. There's a lot of time travel, space ships, and the usual Doctor goofiness. Oh, and there's also some absolutely lovely Christmas music. Really, I think this is quite heartwarming.

The Office, "Christmas Party"

No, seriously - I kinda tear up at this episode of The Office. The awkward comedy is still present ("YAANKEEE Swap!"), but there's a lot of genuine Christmasy spirit here - especially in the Jim/Pam story arc. The Office did a few Christmas specials, but I think the first one got it best.

Hellboy, "A Christmas Underground"

There's a fun little redemption plot that runs through this story, where a woman is actually saved from eternal torment because of a gift from her mother. The same old woman also mistakes Hellboy for Santa Clause, though. That's pretty funny.

Detective Comics #826, "Slayride"

One of my favorite Joker stories ever, and a surprisingly excellent story for Robin, as well (who's not as lame as everyone says he is). The Joker kidnaps Robin, ties him up with Christmas lights, and then drives around town running people over. Robin manages to escape by starting up a conversation about the Marx Brothers.

You know, because Christmas.

What? You expected EVERYTHING to be all "Peace on Earth" and stuff? Man, if you want that, maybe you should, like, read your Bible or someth... Oh, wait.

Things I'll Love Forever: White Christmas

I don't watch a whole lot of Christmas movies during the month of December. Most of them suck eggnog... not that I'd ever single out a possibly-beloved Christmas classic to hate on it *cough*. I did get the chance last night to sit down with White Christmas, one of my all-time FAVORITE Christmas movies when I was a bit younger. After watching it again for the first time in several years, I noticed a few imperfections (what in the name of Krampus are they WEARING?), but it's still an excellent film.

• The concluding scene, when the soldiers present at the inn and sing "The Old Man," never fails to get me a little teary-eyed.


• When I grow up, I want to be Bing Crosby's voice. Any time anyone else starts singing with him, I start yelling at the television until Bing's just singing solo again.


• I kinda miss movies that are completely unashamed to have big dance numbers. Most movies set up some kind of gimmick to frame dance sequences and remove them from what's "really" happening in the film (I'm looking at you, Chicago). Other movies present dance numbers ironically or with a great big wink to the audience (Enchanted and The Muppets both do this). While that's all well and good, it gives me the impression that film makers are EMBARASSED to film dancers. However, Vera-Ellen, Danny Kaye, and John Brascia prove that a little dancing is nothing to be ashamed of, and a LOT can be pretty darn cool.


• Speaking of dancing, the number "Choreography" nearly makes the whole movie worthwhile for me. It's a brilliant meta-commentary on the state of dance in musical theater, and it STILL feels timely and fitting over fifty years later.


• Not all the musical numbers are winners, but, surprisingly, the military numbers rank among my favorites ("The Old Man," "What Can You Do with A General," and "Gee, I Wish I Was Back In The Army"). No one, and I mean NO ONE, does martial music like Irving Berlin.


• While the plot of White Christmas has very little to do with Christmas (actually, the movie's based on an earlier film with almost the exact same story), the MESSAGE of Christmas still comes through. Christmas is a time to focus on love, compassion, and good will towards men. White Christmas has those elements in SPADES.

The show's certainly dated, and some of the writing's a bit wobbly, but White Christmas is a great film, and I'll love it forever.

Merry Christrufflemas!

Christmastime is a great time of year: parties, presents, family, good music... well, some good music, at any rate. And, of course, there's a lot of great food.

And, by food, I mean candy.

And, by candy, I mean THESE GUYS:


I tend not to buy Lindor Truffles except at Christmas time - they're a bit on the pricey side. I guess the Lindt company starts to feel a bit more generous this time of year, because the truffles are often on sale. I actually have a little back of the truffles right by my desk, and... man, does that ever make me happy.

I like to take one of the truffles and pop it whole in my mouth. I don't chew it up right away, though - I let the outer shell melt away until the softer center is exposed. I love the sensation of the soft chocolate dissolving on my tongue - its smooth, creamy, and almost has its own temperature. Simply delightful.

So, of course, my phone HAS to ring when I'm eating my candy...

Seriously, this world's full of Scrooges.

The Ballad of Braddy and Katie

PART THREE - A SAVAGE GARDEN CHRISTMAS

(read Part One)

(read Part Two)

WARNING - The following account contains scenes of intense adolescent awkwardness. Reader discretion is advised.

As much as I tried to keep my crush on Katie a secret, word got out and around - probably because my poker face has about as many cracks in it as an egg under the foot of a Russian dancer. I even got a lawnmower-shaped card at the Grasscutters concert, wishing me luck, not with the show, but with my courtship with Katie.

Right after the Grasscutters concert, we entered the Christmas season. Now, I've always thought that Valentine's Day is the biggest joke in the world, and Christmas is the true season of romance. I melt a little when I hear Christmas-themed love songs, whether it was hearing my junior high crush sing "Merry Christmas Baby" or watching Savage Garden perform "Last Christmas" during a television concert.

(I have mentioned that I have terrible taste in music, right? Well, in my defense, I DO think "Santa Baby" sucks.)

Just before school let out for winter break, I decided to make a grand romantic gesture and bought her a Christmas present. Having no idea what she would actually WANT, I bought her a teddy bear.


She liked it. I even got a hug for it - which means I got the better present.

That night, my high school's chamber choir had a show at Thanksgiving Point. My buddy Michael, also a member of the choir, had a twenty-four hour birthday party planned that would start after the show. We'd made arrangements to leave straight from Thanksgiving Point to go back to his place. I expected it would be a good weekend, and I was totally right, but a bit surprised at exactly how well it turned out.

See, Katie was at Thanksgiving Point as well. On a date. With Dwayne.

Not that it mattered WHO she was on the date with. She spent most of her time talking to ME.

Do you see this, Dwayne? You don't? That's surprising, because it's right IN YOUR FACE!

After I spent a good hour or so talking to Katie, I put on a heckuva good show (you know, for a chamber choir), then it was off to Michael's for a night of junk food and video games (cuz, you know, teenager). The day of his birthday, Michael invited all his girlfriends (and his "girl friends" - the distinction is necessary, because Mike was a player) for cake and ice cream.

Mike had invited Katie, so I was able to get the full story on what happened on her date with Dwayne. After the concert, they went for a drive, along with Dwayne's friend, Robby. At some point on the road, Robby decided it would be fun to pull a prank on the people outside the car. So... SHOOP! Off went his pants.

Less than impressed with Dwayne's choice of friends, Katie decided to go with me. We started dating at Michael's birthday party, where I, having no idea how to correctly cuddle with a girl, promptly draped myself over her shoulders like a lurpy scarf.

Trust me, over the next year and a half, we got MUCH better at the cuddling thing.

TO BE CONTINUED

Christmas Aftermath

Back when I was a kid, I loved hanging out with friends the week following Christmas to show off all the cool toys I got. Sadly, now that I'm an adult... I still get toys, and they're awesome, and I can share them with EVERYONE thanks to the magic of the internet.


Pigma Sensei Ink Pens

I'm a total novice when it comes to art equipment - I still haven't used the charcoal set I got for Christmas LAST year. However, even I can see the advantage of having a set of pens that draw lines of different widths. I've had a lot of fun experimenting with these in just these past two days.


Batman: The Animated Series

You know what I've been doing since December 25th? Drawing and watching this. I probably ate something as well between now and then, but I can't remember what.


LEGO Pirates Kraken Attackin

So last week I made some comment about how I missed having Legos to play with. Well, my mom took note, and sent my dad out into the harsh, unforgiving wasteland that is Toys R Us the week before Christmas to buy me the goofy little Lego set pictured above. And it is awesome.


The Complete Sherlock Holmes
Despite my doomsaying, I really enjoyed the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes movie from this past summer, and the new BBC Sherlock series has been excellent from what I've seen so far. I'd been planning on picking the books up for a while now, but I hadn't really talked to anyone about it. So I was surprised to unwrap this impressive little volume.

Thanks for everything, Santa (even the socks, which were nice, but not cool enough to post on my blog).

Merry Christmas!

Five Worst Christmas Songs

After last week's uncharacteristic bout of cheerfulness, I decided to get back to what I know best: irrational hatred of prominent pieces of pop culture. Here are my five least favorite Christmas songs.


5 - "New Deal for Christmas"

Annie is a story all about escapism and wish-fulfillment: a young orphan suddenly becomes rich and happy on account of her being so gosh-darned adorable.

Annie's finale is supposed to be a happy one, but hearing the main characters sing about the New Deal on the eve of World War II does little to bring the warm Christmas fuzzies to my heart.

Last time I heard this song, I couldn't help but substitute my own lyrics:

"Hitler is invading Poland."
"Watch out for those planes at Pearl Harbor."
"Oppenheimer's got the A-Bomb this year."
"The Jews are all dying in Auschwitz."

Sorry, Annie. You just picked the wrong time to be optimistic.

4 - "Happy Holidays/The Holiday Season"

By itself, the song "Happy Holidays" is pretty inoffensive. However, when it's paired with the unconscionably cheerful "The Holiday Season," the whole thing falls apart.

Christmas swing music's always struck me as being a bit... weird. "The Holiday Season" makes an even worse impression for all the forced cutesy pleasantries -"Whoopty Doo and Dickery Dock."

Seriously, it sounds like someone's making up swear words. And in a Christmas song, too. Santa'd be displeased.

3 - "Santa Baby"

Geez. I don't know what's worse: the unabashed glamorization of the commercial side of Christmas, the vaguely sexual references, or the fact that the singer is trying to get a booty call from THIS GUY:

"Ho Ho Ho! Who's your daddy?"

Horrifying.

2 - "Christmas Shoes"

Let's see...

A poor boy tries to spend his last coin on a pair of shoes for his mother who's about to die on Christmas Eve. The whole story is related by a vaguely country-sh singer accompanied by a choir of angelic children. Our icy, Grinchy hearts are supposed to melt when the boy says, with a sob in his throat, "I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

The reason this song's not #1 is because it means well. Unfortunately, like the Republican Party, it just tries too darn hard.

1 - "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"

Oh, and the other reason "Christmas Shoes" is at #2 is because I HATE THIS BLOODY SONG! It's the most frivolous, ridiculous, stupid thing a person could possibly sing about. And the singer... Even for a ten-year-old female country singer, her voice is obnoxious.

Yes, I KNOW this is a novelty song, and therefore shouldn't be taken that seriously. Still, since Christmas is a time of year that's all about memory and nostalgia, you have to know where I'm coming from. If the best part of Christmas past was falling asleep in the backseat of my parents' car listening to "Silent Night," then the WORST part was being roused for my grandpa's company Christmas party at 4:30 in the morning and TRYING to fall asleep against the sound of Gayla Peevey complaining about how "rhinocerouseses" don't love her as much as "hippopotamuseses."

GAH! This song makes me want to clean my ears out with a nail file!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Two frequent contenders for the Worst Christmas Song Ever award, Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and Wham's "Last Christmas," didn't appear on this list. The reason I didn't include them is because... well... I... umm...

I actually kinda like 'em.

Well, statistically, SOMEONE had to, right?

Ghost of Christmas Past

Above: The reassuring face of nostalgia

Saturday night, I got together with my immediate family to celebrate Christmas. My little niece, two years old, got an oddly-shaped package from my dad. She picked it up, and, suddenly, it started making an odd sound, almost like a muffled voice. My brothers immediately started laughing, because they knew exactly what it was. I didn't quite get what was going on, so I watched as my niece tore apart the wrapping paper and pulled out the toy.

It was an AG BEAR!!!


I had an AG Bear just like this when I was a kid. It's a little stuffed bear with a voice box that mimics and distorts voices around it, so you can have a conversation with it.

My niece wasn't interested at all - just before this, she had opened up a rocking horse that made real horse noises, so she just threw the bear to the ground. I picked the bear up and... wow. I remember being a child, hugging the bear for comfort if I was upset. I think I sat there, with the bear on my lap, for about a half-hour.

I don't think I've ever had that kind of visceral reaction to a TOY before. I don't really like emotions all that much - they're gross and sticky. Still, there I was, a twenty-seven year old man, fiercely independent with his own apartment, hugging a stuffed bear. And enjoying it.

So now I'm thinking I either REALLY wish I hadn't thrown this bear out so I had something to hug, or I REALLY need a girlfriend.

Favorite Christmas Music

For some recent comments I made I've been accused of being a bit of a Scrooge. While there may actually be some validity to that statement, I'd like to protest that Christmas is FUN. There's a lot of good stuff that happens this time of year that I absolutely love.

To prove it, here are some of my favorite Christmas musics:

5 - John Denver and the Muppets - A Christmas Together

4 - A Muppet Christmas Carol

I don't know how it happened that so much of my holiday cheer comes from the Muppets, but here you go. The John Denver collection has some genuinely touching Christmas music that I haven't heard many other places. And (I can't believe I'm admitting this on THE INTERNET of all places) I get just a little teary-eyed while watching A Muppet Christmas Carol and listening to "One More Sleep 'til Christmas" or "It Feels Like Christmas." Both are great soundtracks well-worth checking out.

3 - "The Hallelujah Chorus"

This is probably a leftover from my old high school choir days, but I think there's almost nothing else that captures the glory, the hope, and the promise that are supposed to accompany the birth of the Savior quite like Handel's Messiah. Good, good stuff.

2 - Mannheim Steamroller

Doesn't matter which one. Take your pick.

Growing up, Christmas meant falling asleep in the back seat of my parents' car while Mannheim Steamroller played Christmas music on the radio. If I seem a little jaded at Christmastime anymore, it's because I don't get to sleep in back seats anymore.

1 - A Candlelight Christmas

I don't know that anyone out side of Mr. Moore's high school choirs would know this particular collection of music, but it's some of the most beautiful music I've heard. The music tells the story of the nativity, from the angelic announcement to Mary's prayer to the birth of the Savior. The whole set culminates with a fantastic medley of "Silent Night" and "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" that STILL gets me choked up.

Most of the love I have for this collection comes from the fun I had singing it - which, to me, is totally fine. I mean, I think it's a little better to SING Christmas music than it is to LISTEN to it. That way, the Christmas spirit isn't something you passively enjoy - it's something you fully experience.

The Trouble with Tinsel, or, Why I Hate Elf

I’ve only found a couple people, other than myself, that don’t like Elf. Everyone else seems to think it’s a new Christmas classic – and that doesn’t really sit well with me. I went into Elf hoping I would like it, but I came away feeling the movie is… well, the only word I can come up with is “soulless.”

Buddy the Elf spends the entire movie trying to spread Christmas cheer. Of course, since he’s played by Will Ferrell, he does it by being as obnoxious as possible. Which… you know, it’s actually fine. Will Ferrell’s just not my favorite actor, but I understand other people like him. I don’t get his appeal, but I’m pretty sure there are people out there who don’t grasp why I willingly spent money on the complete Powerpuff Girls cartoon series on DVD.

The problem I have, though, is with the show’s definition of “Christmas cheer.” Meaning, I have no clue why they think Christmas cheer is important.

Maybe “Christmas cheer” is just a euphemism for Buddy the Elf’s eternal optimism. I guess that makes a little bit of sense. Unfortunately, Buddy’s “optimism” alienates him from everyone else in the movie. He only makes friends in the mailroom because he gets them all drunk. He gets in a fight with the midget in the boardroom because he’s completely clueless. The other elves don’t like him. Even his father throws him out, and brings him back in to the family mostly out of guilt.

Above: COMEDY!!!

(You can make a case that he wins over Zooey Deschanel… except there’s nothing about that relationship that strikes me as even being remotely believable. I don’t even think Ms. Deschanel buys that contrived romance – she looks completely annoyed at Will Ferrell every time they’re on screen together.)

I believe a good Christmas story is one that shows how the season can positively change a life – not because it’s a magical time of year, but because it’s a time of year when people are encouraged to do good. More than that, though, the great Christmas classics work because they are HONEST.

Take a look at It’s a Wonderful Life. Here we have a realistic depiction of one man’s life, his trials and faults, and the great impact he can have on those around him. There’s no scenery-chewing, no cheap laughs or forced sentimentality. We cheer for Jimmie Stewart because he’s a good man, and, at Christmastime, he is rewarded for his decency.

How about A Charlie Brown Christmas? That movie’s all about honesty. Again, there’s no forced laughter (I dare say it’s one of the un-funniest things the Peanuts have done outside of shilling insurance). Still, even I get a little choked up when Charlie Brown, in frustration, screams out his frustration about not understanding Christmas, and Linus, very simply, replies by reciting the story of the angels announcing Christ’s birth from Luke 2. And do you remember what happens next? The children decide to stop harassing Charlie Brown and decorate his little Christmas tree. The reason for the holiday prompts, not just a hollow “belief,” but a real, concrete, kind action.

Even A Christmas Story, which doesn’t really carry any of those “heartwarming messages” about loving your fellow man or whatever, succeeds as a Christmas movie because it honestly portrays how the Christmas season brings a family together, after all their fights over furnaces and lamps and Red Rider BB Guns, around the table at a Chinese restaurant in a spirit of love. Unconventional, perhaps, but completely honest.

Okay, back to Elf. Remember that climactic moment when New Yorkers get together to sing the Christmas carols that fuel Santa’s magic sleigh. I get to that point of the movie, and I ask myself, “Is that what the movie calls ‘Christmas cheer’? Believe in Santa Claus and you’ll have a happy Christmas?”

No, that can’t be the moral. I’m twenty-six years old now, and I’ve long since learned – we’ll say about six years ago – that there’s no such thing.

Besides, Santa Claus has become a symbol of the commercial side of Christmas that most people have come to detest over the years. “Ho ho ho!” he says. “Buy Coca-Cola or I’m putting you on the naughty list!”

Above: Sellout!!!

I think we’ve done the man a huge disservice. True, Santa Claus isn’t REAL in the sense that he’s up at the North Pole spying on everyone and overseeing the construction of countless X-Boxes and DVD gift sets, but he represents something fundamentally decent about humankind – the potential we have to put others above ourselves to the benefit of everyone involved.

A week or two ago, I saw a friend post on Facebook that her daughter came home from school one day upset. Someone had told her that Santa Claus wasn’t real. My friend said she was planning on breaking that news to her daughter by having her daughter get presents for someone else – by being “Santa Claus.” I love that idea so much that I want to have a kid RIGHT NOW so I can do that with my children.

Anyone have any kids they aren’t using?

I’m not a huge fan of those Rankin-Bass shorts about Santa Claus, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. Still, I understand they deserve their place in the canon of Christmas classics because they encourage people, not just to believe in the jolly old elf that does so much good, but to emulate him.

So, yeah… In my mind, Elf fails as a Christmas movie. I won’t fault you for liking the movie, if you want to. Maybe your idea of Christmas spirit actually is watching a man-child in green tights eat enough sugar to put the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man into a coma. Just know that, by my above reasoning, you’re completely wrong.

Of course, you can just dismiss my opinion because I’ve spent WAY too much time thinking about a movie that you’re just meant to sit back and laugh at… which, by the way, you’d probably be right to do.

Things I'll Love Forever: A Christmas Carol

I can't think of a better way to kick off the holiday season proper.

I don't know if this makes me a literary snob or just a sentimental ol' fool, but A Christmas Carol is, without a doubt, one of my all-time favorite stories ever written in the history of ever. Enough hyperbole? THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH HYPERBOLE!!!

1 - I know we've all seen about a tetra-bajillion different film adaptations of this Christmas classic, but have you ever actually read the book? It's beautiful! I read the book for the first time in a British Literary History class back in college. I had to shut myself in my room to read it, because I couldn't help but repeat all the words to myself out loud. It's THAT GOOD. Dickens writes DELICIOUS words.

2 - You want proof that these words are tasty? Check out the audioplay performed completely by Patrick Stewart. He even makes little high-pitched voices for all the women and Tiny Tim. Good stuff.

3 - Now, you know those tetra-bajillion film adaptations I mentioned earlier? Yeah, THEY'RE ALL GOOD TOO!

(Okay, I haven't seen them ALL. I reserve the right to hate on the new Jim Carrey adaptation until I've seen it

You've been warned - don't mess up my Christmas spirit!

Personally, I love some of the cheesey musical adaptations, like Scrooge starring Albert Finney and, of course, A Muppet Christmas Carol (I just love me some Michael Caine).

4 - The message of A Christmas Carol speaks to the optimist in all of us (yes, I do have an optimist in here somewhere). The potential for good is in all men. Yes, it's true that people like Ebenezer Scrooge do a lot of harm to their fellow men, but with the right motivation (and perhaps a bit of divine intervention), that evil can be turned into something good.

5 - This one just now occurred to me:

A Christmas Carol may be the absolute best Christmas story this side of the Nativity. While the story itself focuses on the holiday, it's meaning transcends the usual month-long, holly-and-ivy banalities. Sure, there's some talk about Christmas being the season of giving or love or some @#$% like that, but the holiday for Dickens is more a celebration of the human spirit of kindness that should exist within our hearts ALL YEAR. For those who are mean and stingy (a phrase that should really only be used when speaking to a three-year-old), Christmas is a time of redemption, a chance for them to reflect on who they are and who they should be.

A Christmas Carol is a timeless holiday classic, well worthy of being loved forever. Which I do.

Isn't it Christmas?

I'ma Go Grinching

Had a strange experience at work this past week. I found that my shoes didn’t quite fit right. My feet felt… uncomfortably large. Either that, or the shoes themselves had shrunk. It was unpleasant, and the tiniest bit painful, and I wasn’t quite sure of the cause – that is, until I remembered that Thanksgiving was nearly upon us, and, with that particular holiday done, Christmas would not be far behind.

In case you missed it, I just wedged a Grinch metaphor into the introductory paragraph. It didn’t quite want to fit, but two or three whacks with a giant hammer made sure it got into place. Now, I believe I’ve mentioned in the past that, while I used to be particularly fond of Christmas, I find it harder and harder to be jolly as the years go by. This year, I’ve found myself anticipating Christmas with two full cups of disgust and just a hint of dread. I’m not quite in full Grinch mode yet, but, if I were you, I’d keep an eye on your Who-Pudding when I’m around, just in case.

I’m trying to focus on the things about Christmas I like: the Christmas movies, the plentiful excuses to hang with family and friends, the music… although that last one’s pretty tough. I tend to favor the more solemn Christmas “hymns” – like “Silent Night” or “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” (and I totally DID put that comma in the right place – philistines) – to the more inane carols like “Frosty the Snowman” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Although, here I have to admit that I enjoy a few notorious holiday songs more than most. Because of some good early memories I have associated with Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” I usually DON’T want to stab out my ears with a screwdriver when it comes on the radio. Also, I may be the only person in the world that still legitimately enjoys “The Hanukkah Song” by… *sigh*… Adam Sandler (may he be boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly in his heart).

Hm… while I just intended that last aside to be a derisive remark against Mr. Sandler and his unfortunate idea of “comedy,” I think it actually comes off a bit anti-Semitic, don’t you?

Anyway, focus… Last year I made the point that Christmas is a time for remembering. It’s a shame if you missed it – made for a heckuva blog post. Now, I’m not the first person to make that point, and I doubt I’ll be the last. The trouble is, though, many of the memories I hold from Christmases past bring me just as much unrest (if not outright angst) as all the commercializing we so frequently condemn (yet simultaneously condone every Black Friday).

My favorite memories from Christmastime involve… (here, I struggled for a euphemism for several minutes, and found that I could do more than tell the unadorned, straightforward truth) girls I’ve dated in the past. I hooked up with my first girlfriend (you know, that eternally-youthful sweetheart that always appears perfect in the misted, halcyon memories of childhood… kinda like Winnie in The Wonder Years) two days before Christmas my junior year in high school. That… is a long story, probably better saved for another date.

Another favorite Christmas memory comes from a few years later: After spending the afternoon with my grandparents on Christmas day, I went to spend the rest of the evening with the girl I was dating at the time, who lived just a few blocks away. We curled up on the couch and watched the movie Chocolat – she lay in my arms, rubbing her stocking-clad feet against mine.

(Okay, I know this sounds silly, but, darn it, those socks are an important detail. I can’t quite explain why – well, I guess if we were both still wearing shoes, it’d be uncomfortable to rub our feet together like that, and if we were barefoot, it’d be weird. And gross. Cuz feet are gross.

Seriously, though, the whole scene of playing footsie in stocking-feet, warm and cozy on a cold Christmas night, has stuck with me ever since. I’ve tried to make a poem of it, but every time, it comes off more forced than any frickin’ Grinch analogy I’ve yet to devise, so it’s on the shelf right now)

For those of you who might be confused by the cacophony of ideas that have been fading in and out of this verbal orchestration since paragraph one, here’s where it all comes together to create a familiar tune: Christmas time can kinda suck if you’re single. I’ve spent every Christmas for the past few years either trying vainly to recreate old memories or lamenting their absence. I’m dreading Christmas this year because, frankly, I don’t want to put up with all these ghosts again.

So, with the Christmas season looming like a kidnapper with a burlap sack, it’s time to grit my teeth and face it. I’ve got no worries about commercialism or anything like that this year – my shopping’s all done, anyway (thank you, Black Friday). This year, I’m going ghost hunting – and I’m going on the offensive.

Here’s my plan of attack – a plan to recruit an army of new Christmas ghosts to combat the old ones:

1 – I’ma read A Christmas Carol. I’ve always maintained that Charles Dickens wrote one of the best novels of the English language here, and it’s been years since I’ve actually READ the freakin’ book. So, yeah, I’ll pick it up again.

2 – I’m kind of excited by this idea – I plan to write a series of poems based on/inspired by A Christmas Carol. I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to do it before this moment – I thought maybe a poem inspired by a particularly well-written line. The whole ghost image above, though, gives me a few ideas… (ominous trail-off).

3 – I need to find a way to offer some service to others over the Christmas season, to make it a bit less self-centered. I may not do much. In fact, I may just participate in a few Sub-for-Santa activities. But seriously, if I hate Christmas so much when my only complaints at Christmastime are “my shoes don’t fit and I don’t have a girlfriend,” then I need perspective.

4 – And, speaking of perspective, I need to make this Christmas a bit more of a… spiritual affair. I KNOW what Christmas is supposed to be about (I’ve seen Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown). The fact that I’ve never really felt the “spirit of Jesus” during the month of December is probably more indicative of my failing as a Christian than anything else. Guess this is the year to remedy that.

…Oh, fine. Here’s a last one, with a bit of a barb in it.

5 – I will kill anyone who sings that unbelievably atrocious “Holiday Season” song.

Holy CATS, that song is terrible.