Question: Why Should I Hate Frozen?

Answer: You shouldn't, because it is awesome and you will also be awesome if you like it.

Also, I would have accepted "Because Olaf is basically awful."

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that there's a lot to criticize in Frozen. I mean, you can say that you dislike Frozen because you found the plot predictable, or the music was a poor match to the aesthetic, or you thought the women's eyes should REALLY have been smaller than their wrists, or any number of things. Those are all valid criticisms relating to the story itself, its production values, or its character designs - objective criteria that can be evaluated on their own merit and then rewarded with statues of little naked golden men.

What you can't evaluate so objectively is a person's experience watching the film.

I get a little irate every time I see someone comment on the "big gay Frozen" scandal that rocked the internet for about two weeks longer than it really should have. Frozen has a positive message about homosexuality, or it has some gay characters, or it has a ridiculously loud pro-gay radio anthem that's not sung by Lady GaGa, and everyone gets all bent out of shape. Now, I admit that I get bugged over a lot of things, but the thing that bothers me most about "Frozengate" is that this shouldn't even be an issue.

Here's the thing: stories say different things to different people. Frankly, that's the reason I get so fascinated by movies and books and other things. You read a good story, and it'll speak to you in some way. You read that same story ten years later, and you'll get something completely different out of it, depending on where you are in your life at that time. That's why the Bible is full of parables. That's why children tend to take some time learning the Greek myths. That's why people follow Doctor Who like it's a religion and Steven Moffat is the pope/anti-Christ.

So when people condemn Frozen because a lot of people saw a positive gay message in the movie, I sorta flip out. See, how a person reacts to any piece of art is a deeply personal experience. If a group of people have a similar experience, then hooray! They can bond over it. To criticize said group of people because you don't agree with the message they got from a piece of art (or, worse, to criticize the art itself) is a little akin to the exact sort of censorship that smothers imagination.

Two people watch Frozen, and they're likely having two very different experiences. Imagine watching the movie with your friend who is a rabid Disney nerd. They'll freak out over the costumes, the music, and all the pretty princesses. Great. Good. Done. Now watch the same movie again with your other friend, who's studying cinematography. She'll likely pick up on all the camera angles and close-up shots and be really impressed with everything. Again, that's all good. Now pretend that you're watching the movie with a girl friend who's recently had a falling out with her sister...

Changes things, doesn't it?

That's the point. Fiction speaks to us based on where we're at in our lives. So a group of people who have heard all their lives to repress their feelings and hide how they feel are almost certainly going to relate to Elsa and her long white gloves. And there's nothing wrong with that. The same could be said for all those boys who get told not to cry, because that's not what men do. Or the same could be said for... heck, anyone who holds some sort of belief that's not in keeping with majority tradition. They cling to the stuff which speaks to them personally, and that's a perfectly legit reaction to any artistic presentation.

You know who probably would really like Frozen? Cyclops. You know, from the X-Men.

There's one other side of this that really irks me: The most common response I hear from Frozen defenders is to completely deny that any sort of "gay message" is present in the film. The evidence they cite is usually a challenge like, "Ask the children what THEY think." Because Frozen is a cartoon, and cartoons are completely for children, and there are no adults out there who enjoy the movie unless they accidentally stayed awake during the movie while escorting their children to the theater because Frozen is only for the childreniest of children and...

Yeah, that's irrelevant. Let's go ahead and say that Frozen is a cartoon only meant for children (which I don't buy for a second, considering what I know about John Lasseter and Disney animation and all the adult Disney fans I interact with on a daily basis). Child watches the movie, they gravitate to specific characters and ideas. Adult watches the movie, they gravitate to different ideas. Whose experience with the movie is the most "pure"?

They're both consumers of the artistic product. Both are therefore swept up in the artistic process. Both are entitled to their reaction and their opinion, and neither should be devalued for having a different reaction than the other. So the answer to the question is "neither."

Also, I would have accepted "Because Olaf is basically awful." Even though that answer doesn't really match the question.  But flip the syllables in "Olaf" and see what you get.

Death to Plushies!

You ever watch a movie and see something happen which makes absolutely no sense, contributes nothing to the plot, and then it's never brought up again? There's a term for that, apparently.  It's called a "Big-Lipped Alligator Moment." There's a reason for that name. I'm not going into it. Look it up.

Now, everyone's taste may vary. Some of you guys might like these scenes, but in my mind, a "BLAM" is almost completely unjustifiable.  A non-sequitur sequence usually indicates of poor planning or storytelling on the part of the writer: either they fell short on their run time, or they couldn't find a way to make the music someone worked SO HARD ON fit into the plot and didn't have the heart to cut it. These sequences are sloppy, untidy, and reek of meddling from someone who doesn't share the creative vision that the rest of the writers, directors, composers, and... um... sculptors had.

You know what got me thinking about the "BLAM"? This guy:

For the record,  I hate this guy.

If you haven't seen Frozen: The Road to Broadway yet (no, that's not the actual title, but it works), then you might be under the impression from all the marketing that Olaf the snowman is a major character. If he were, then you can bet your pink-striped knickers that Frozen  wouldn't be sitting at the top of my list of Best Movies of 2013. As is, Olaf's in about a dozen scenes, with maybe 20-30 minutes of screen time. I'd need a stopwatch to make sure, but, if I go see Frozen again, I plan to spend as little time as possible thinking about the snowman and instead focus on trying to find the Rapunzel cameo.

Now, here's my question for those of you who have seen the movie: What happens if you take Olaf out completely? What plot holes would need patching? What narrative elements are left out?

Olaf's the comic relief, but the movie's already populated with a dozen very funny characters ("all men do it"). Olaf himself doesn't have a compelling character; he's completely static. I actually watched the movie again and mentally removed Olaf from every scene he was in. The characters barely acknowledged him (except to occasionally set him up for a punch line) and he made no meaningful contribution to the plot. By my calculation, Olaf's function in the narrative could just as easily be filled by a lock pick and a Hallmark card.

EXCEPT... then there wouldn't be the presumable hundreds of thousands of dollars Disney will make off of merchandise with Olaf's visage on it.

That's it. That's the only thing that changes about Frozen as a whole if Olaf were to be left in the "poor ideas" bin. He is utterly without motivation, development, or personality outside of a few "wacky" characteristics. He's the latest in long line of characters created seemingly just to sell toys and lunch boxes. 

I call these types of characters "plushies." And, if you couldn't tell I %^#*in' hate them.

The "plushy" is a jaded marketing attempt to reach a broader audience when they don't feel the story is strong enough on its own to appeal to more than one demographic category. The plushy is every talking animal sidekick, every snarky creature voiced by whatever prominent comedian happens to be on the pop culture radar. They almost always feel foreign within the context of the film.

Now, sometimes, the plushy works out. Long time readers will know that the bane of my existence - my arch-nemesis, if you will - is Maximus, the horse from Tangled. He defies the internal logic of the film (how in the world does a horse lead the palace guard when it can't talk?!). He defies the external logic of... reality (horse tails can't move like that). And, worst of all, he won't return my phone calls.

AND YET... if you take Maximus out of the film, Tangled needs something in his place. Someone has to chase Flynn Rider. Maybe Russell Crowe could have done it, I don't know. But the point is that Maximus - or some three-dimensional equivalent character - has to be there.

In fact, a friend of mine actually argues that if Maximus were replaced by a less toyetic human counterpart, he would immediately be less interesting. That.. may be true, but I'm not yet ready to concede that point yet.

But that's one of the funny things - Disney's plushy characters are usually significant to the plot in some way. You can't take Sebastian out of The Little Mermaid, or Mushu out of Mulan, or Lumiere out of Beauty and the Beast. Heck, Stitch is arguably one of the greatest characters Disney ever churned out, and he can't NOT be a stuffed toy. 

These two, on the other hand?

COMPLETELY useless.

I'm not so naive as to think that all stories would be better off without a character who would look good sitting in the crane game machine at Denny's, but I think children's entertainment in general has proven that the marketable characters they introduce can be characters first and toys second. It just takes a little bit of extra effort on the part of the writers and editors, but it brings the quality of the story way up. Kids still get their Happy Meal figures, and adults get to not rip their hair out every time Bartok shows up again.

By the way, my friend from a few paragraphs earlier actually helped me to identify the first real "plushies" of modern cinema:

Take 'em out, replace 'em with a PDA, and the plot resolves exactly the same way.

Big Screen Breakdown: Frozen

A couple of weeks ago, I got invited to see Thor:  The Dark World at the critics' pre-screening.  For some reason, however, the theater wasn't able to get the film working, so everyone in attendance got to take a complimentary ticket as an apology.  Now, I could have gone back to see the most macho-est of heroes, but I decided to go see the movie with the pretty pretty princesses with the HUGE eyes.

Is that even a surprise anymore?

• Does Disney still market their movies?  I mean, I kinda had my eyes on Frozen for a while, but I don't think I actually heard anything about it at all.  No commercials, no billboards, nothing.  Did anybody know this movie was coming out?
• And what's with Disney movie titles nowadays?  You've got Tangled, Brave, and now Frozen?  It's like they used up the whole budget on the animation, and they could only afford one word for the movie posters.
• Man, musically, Disney has just not got the chops anymore.  The beautiful, classic musicality of earlier soundtracks  has been replaced by this strange, half-pop/half-Broadway feel that clashes with the visual aesthetic.
• Oh, and the line, "We finish each other's sandwiches"?  Way funnier when Arrested Development did it.  Ten.  Years. Ago.
• Okay, seriously:  what the ^%$# is going on with Disney and hooved animals acting like dogs?  Reindeer don't DO that stuff!  Well, at least the reindeer here isn't as annoying as that $#%in' horse from Tangled.
• No, THAT particular obnoxious niche is filled by the bloody snowman.  I REALLY hate the goofy-looking sidekick that serves no purpose other than to sell the movie to the kiddies.  Do the producers really not trust a story to resonate with children unless there's a frickin' plushie in the ensemble?

Ahhhh... I feel better.  Got all the complaining out of the way.  Now for the good stuff.  Buckle up - there's a lot of it.

• It's great to see the art of cartooning continues to influence 3D animation.  Disney's computerized people have never looked sillier - and I really do mean that in the best way.  There are some great character designs here.
• There's definitely a healthy dose of Disney romance here, but the real love story is between the two protagonist sisters.  Disney has finally learned to create some really great female leads, and these two are among the best.
• Remember the reindeer I complained about not five minutes ago?  Actually not that bad at all.  Sven the reindeer is attached to male lead Kristoff, and they've got this great chemistry.  You know what they say about a man and his car?  It's something like that, and it's believable in a way Maximillian the horse never was.
• Oh, and how about that villain?  Uh-MAZ-ing!  You don't expect him to be quite that sinister when you first see him and how silly he is, but, brother, he is SOMETHING else.
• Wait, Idina Menzel is in the cast?  Well, that explains the Broadway vibe.  She and the other singers really nail their parts, and they save a lot of the lackluster music, turning it into something memorable.
• These Disney CG movies sure do have a lot of dancing in them.  My favorite scene from Tangled was definitely the dance in the town square, and Frozen has similar scene right near the beginning.  Not as epic as the Tangled dance, but nice nonetheless.
• Tangled struggled to weave the comedic scenes together with the dramatic ones.  Frozen has a similar problem, but it's far less pronounced.  Actually, the human characters have some of the best comedy in the movie, and it never feels forced.  They've come a long way.
• STAY until the END of the credits.  I thought that was just a thing people did in movies nowadays.  Yet there I was, laughing at some of the best post-film jokes I've ever seen, and I was the only one in the theater.  Incredible.
• And speaking of endings, Frozen has one of the best I've ever seen.  It's the perfect fairy-tale ending:  touching, empowering, and completely in line with everything that came before it.  Even that doofy-looking snowman couldn't completely kill the mood.
• Verdict:  Come on, guys, it's a Disney fairy tale.  Of COURSE it's amazing.  Go see it.  Now.

Adventures in Animation: Kim Possible

Kim Possible was never really my show. I mean, I did like it, but it was really something my friends obsessed over more than I did. I caught an episode every now and again during my college days - pretty much whenever I wanted something fun and inoffensive. How does it hold up now?

Yes. Yes it does.

I mean, it's a super-dated experience now. Just listen to that theme song - totally early 2000s pop music. Plus, who the heck wears belly shirts anymore, Kim.

Beyond that, though, there's a real solid premise here. Spider-Man proves that teenage heroes are quite the viable property, and Kim's super-spy aesthetic isn't that far off from the spandex genre. Kim balances all the usual concerns of a teenage girl with the more weighty issues of saving the world week after week.

Admittedly, a lot of those "usual teenage concerns" are a little on the cliche side - cute boys, make-up, skin care, cheerleading practice... It's a very Disney princess sort of thing. Still, Kim kicks a lot more butt than most Disney princesses, so it works out pretty well.

Plus - and this is important - this show is funny. A lot of the comedy comes from the performance of Will Friedle, mostly known for playing the older brother in Boy Meets World. He did a bit of voice acting once that show ended, and he's always got this high-energy delivery that brings a lot to the character.

Beyond that, there are some surprisingly great action pieces. A big highlight is any time Kim Possible faces off with her femme-fatale rival, Shego. They could have easily gone with the petty catfight route, and while the two adversaries usually snark about the other's weight or complexion during their duels, they both swing hard. It's actually some of the best fight choreography I've seen in animation.

Now if only Disney would actually put out an affordable DVD collection. My buddy managed to snag his copy through the Disney Rewards Program, but for me to buy it on my own would set me back $60 a season.

And, yeah, I'm actually a little tempted.

Braddy's Favorite (Unconventional) Christmas Specials

When I was a kid, I always got super excited for Christmas time because of all the STUFF that got shown on TV. Every day, there were at least a half-dozen Christmas specials I tried to make time for. You probably know the list - classics like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Raindeer, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, A Year Without a Santa Clause, and a bunch of other "not quite as good as Claymation" shows.

As an adult... I don't like 'em.

That's not to say I don't like any of the classic Christmas specials - I quite enjoy White Christmas and, despite its (many) failings, the musical adaptation of Scrooge manages to bring a tear to my eye. Most of the standard Christmas fair, though, leaves me feeling a bit unfulfilled, like a kid who didn't get his Red Rider BB Gun on Christmas morning.

Thankfully, with the plethora of Christmas specials out there, there's always something, perhaps just off the beaten path, that helps me to get in that Christmas spirit. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I dunno, but I think I like some of these better... even if they have almost nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas.

Here are my favorite "B side" holiday specials.

"Donald's Snow Fight"

Really, this is more of a "winter" special than a true "Christmas" special, but that doesn't make it any less awesome. Donald and his nephews get in an ever escalating snow fight, starting with the usual snowballs, and ending with mousetraps, ice missles, and... um... fire arrows? It's a lot of fun, and, like a lot of the classic Disney shorts, it holds up well.

Doctor Who, "A Christmas Carol"

The Doctor takes on the role of the Ghosts of Christmas in an attempt to change the heart of a miserly old man. There's a lot of time travel, space ships, and the usual Doctor goofiness. Oh, and there's also some absolutely lovely Christmas music. Really, I think this is quite heartwarming.

The Office, "Christmas Party"

No, seriously - I kinda tear up at this episode of The Office. The awkward comedy is still present ("YAANKEEE Swap!"), but there's a lot of genuine Christmasy spirit here - especially in the Jim/Pam story arc. The Office did a few Christmas specials, but I think the first one got it best.

Hellboy, "A Christmas Underground"

There's a fun little redemption plot that runs through this story, where a woman is actually saved from eternal torment because of a gift from her mother. The same old woman also mistakes Hellboy for Santa Clause, though. That's pretty funny.

Detective Comics #826, "Slayride"

One of my favorite Joker stories ever, and a surprisingly excellent story for Robin, as well (who's not as lame as everyone says he is). The Joker kidnaps Robin, ties him up with Christmas lights, and then drives around town running people over. Robin manages to escape by starting up a conversation about the Marx Brothers.

You know, because Christmas.

What? You expected EVERYTHING to be all "Peace on Earth" and stuff? Man, if you want that, maybe you should, like, read your Bible or someth... Oh, wait.

Blog Comments Make Me a Better Man

The usual metrics for popularity don't seem to apply online. In real life, popularity is simply measured by the number of friends you have. Online, sheer volume of friends actually makes no difference, seeing as how most people who "friend" you on Facebook probably wouldn't recognize you if you ran into them in the mall while wearing a T-shirt with your high school yearbook photo on it. No, the REAL measure of online popularity is the number of comments or posts you're able to accrue.

I just got a little more popular on my blog last night. I picked up two new comments, and that makes me the queen of this particular Homecoming parade. I thought I'd share the comments with you.

The first comes from an anonymous commenter on my review of the book Bossypants. The comment came in response to my statement below:

As a young man, a single adult who comes from a family of all boys and has no experience with women outside of watching a few episodes of Jem, I got a kick out of reading that. It matches how I feel about thing - I'm not actually sexist, I'm just ignorant. While that's not exactly an ideal state of being, at least ignorance is treatable.

Here's what my sweet little Anonymous commenter had to say:

Actually...you are just sexist. But how adorable that you think you aren't because you are completely stupid about the opposite sex.

Well, yeah... Anonymous is probably right. I've got a long and well-documented history of being sexist, so I might as well just cop to it. Thanks, Anonymous! I appreciate your candor and honesty.

ADD: So my friend Heather, who's been posting some very insightful thoughts of feminism on her own, has commented on my post here (you can read her response below). I just want to say that I appreciate her opinion and am very glad she chose to express herself to me. If my comments have offended anyone, I do apologize.

The anonymous poster was a bit of a jerk, yeah, but that doesn't mean they were WRONG. I fully admit that I have some backwards attitudes and can say some pretty thoughtless things at times. I appreciate getting called out on stuff. Just, you know, be nice about it.

Okay, all passive-aggressive sarcasm aside, I did get a pretty nifty comment from someone who'd never commented on my blog before. This comment comes from my snarky little post on the Fantagraphics Mickey Mouse comic reprints:

Glad we're converting you to the real Mickey Mouse, S. R. Thanks to some more piecemeal late '70s reprints, Gottfredson's Mickey is the Mickey I cut my teeth on as a kid. It's a labor of love to keep him circulating. While I could never call him a scoundrel (I only count three cartoons where he pushes Minnie too far—and this never happens in the comics), he's quite the adventurous and defiant little squirt, isn't he? Collecting the supplementary material that goes in the books is an adventure itself! (Hope you're following our Facebook page... that's where we put the overflow.) Re: sad racial stuff: Disney Publishing allows us to run the strips unabridged because we're aiming the books at adults, and have extensive text putting that content in context. Luckily, most of what's left is timeless—and that's just how I like it. —David Gerstein (Series Editor)

I'm a little flattered that the guy putting these books together actually took the time to post such an enthusiastic response to what was mainly just a big sarcastic rant. This guy is totally classy.

One thing I forgot to mention in my original post on the Gottfredson comics (probably because I was more interested in posting a pic of Mickey Mouse in blackface than I was at giving a balanced review) is that the books are full of insightful commentary on the period in which the comics were written. I probably love the commentary about as much as the comics themselves - things always make more sense in context. So thanks to Mr. Gerstein for doing such an excellent job on this wonderful collection.

The Secret History of Mickey Mouse

You know, I've never really liked this mouse.

As recognizable as Disney's #1 guy has gotten, Mickey's always struck me as a particularly bland character.  He has almost no defining characteristics of his own beyond those little white-buttoned shorts he always wears.  If I were asked to try to describe his personality, I'd probably come up with a description that falls somewhere between Star Wars' Padme Amidala and a saltine cracker.

Then I checked out this bad boy:

Fantagraphics has been publishing collections of the original Mickey Mouse comic strips that ran in newspapers starting back in the 1930s, around the same time as the earliest Mickey Mouse animated films.  Whereas the films of the day were based mostly on the silly physical gags the characters could pull off, the daily comic strip by Floyd Gottfredson followed more of an adventure strip format, much in the style of Prince Valiant (I assume - I actually don't know anyone who's EVER read Prince Valiant).

I was surprised to discover a Mickey Mouse I had never known existed.  This Mickey was young, impulsive, and adventurous.  Here is a Mickey who isn't afraid to make mistakes.  A Mickey who is capable of throwing a punch, if needed:

 

A Mickey who, um, repeatedly attempts suicide:

A Mickey who is willing to put on blackface and... wait, what?

Clearly, this is NOT your father's Mickey Mouse.  Or your grandfather's.  It's more like your racist great-uncle's Mickey Mouse.

Thing is, unfortunate outdated prejudices aside, I think I like this Mickey much better than the one we've got now. Everything about him - from those goofy pie-eyes to his youthful arrogance - makes him so much more than a bland cardboard mascot. Mickey rose to be the mascot of the world's largest animation studio BECAUSE of his personality, and Gottfredson's comic puts that personality on display.

But, seriously, Disney will publish Blackface Uncle Tom Mickey but not Song of the South? How does THAT make any sense?

Most of the comic images actually come from volume 2 of the Gottfredson collection, Trapped on Treasure Island.  It's a REALLY good read.

Braddy Reads The Art of Tangled

It's been nearly a year since I first watched Tangled, and I STILL haven't quite worked through this completely bizarre obsession with a movie that I think is only okay.

I've been trying to focus a bit more on the (visual) artistic side of things, though, so I picked up The Art of Tangled. While I have HUGE issues with the story and characters, the visuals of Tangled grew on me quite a bit. I thought it would be educational to see some of the process that went into it.

And, boy, WAS it educational. A lot of the inspiration for the visuals in Tangled were drawn from Cinderella and, surprisingly enough, Pinnochio. I never would have made the connection between Pinnochio and Tangled, but, to hear it explained, it made a lot of sense.

Some of my favorite material comes from early in the book, when the visual design was more fine-art influenced. There are some surprisingly dark designs of the villain, Mother Gothel, which, while they wouldn't fit with the style the film eventually adopted, are absolutely fascinating to study, and would have made for a much darker film. Even the character designs for the thugs in the bar (who I REALLY hate) make more sense to me.

Heck, even the horse... Umm, actually, the very first sentence on Maximus's page compares him to Javert from Les Mis, so...


No. SCREW this guy.

Anyway, The Art of Tangled gave me a lot of insight, and a lot of good inspiration into my own art. I'm excited to keep practicing my own craft, and to keep exploring these "behind-the-scenes" books as I go forward. I went and put a bunch of them on hold at the library - SO excited!

Ratatouille: Pixar's Greatest Film?

Fans of animation often bicker over which of the Pixar films is quantifiably the best. There's a case to be made for all of them (except the Cars films - if you ever say Cars is the best, you're wrongest wrong person in Wrongville); however, after rewatching Ratatouille over the weekend, I find myself making a case for the story about the little rodent who could.

The first time I watched Ratatouille, I found it to be enjoyable but highly formulaic - almost forgettable. It's a pretty standard idea for a children's story - artist dreams big, gets rejected because he's misunderstood (pobrecito). Eventually, through sheer tenacity, he triumphs and is recognized as the genius he is. I don't think I watched it again for several years, because I never really felt the need.

After this most recent viewing, though, I've changed my mind - there's a lot going on in Ratatouille that isn't immediately evident. True, there's the whole underappreciated artist story, but that really takes a back seat to the individual character arcs. There's an underlying theme that runs throughout that says art is for EVERYONE, and a person can only be truly happy when they learn how to take their art and share it. Nearly every character has to come to terms with this democratic understanding of the art of cooking (or "The Gospel of Gusteau," you might say):

• Remy the rat, nearly a fully realized artist already, has to recognize that he's not held back in his art because the world refuses to accept a rat chef, but because he himself has not fully accepted his role as an artist. Thus, his moment of revelation comes when he starts to identify himself as a "cook" before anything else.
• Linguini, who has no talent for cooking, discovers in an almost wordless moment that he has a skill for customer service and waiting tables that allows others access to Remy's art. The scene where Linguini darts around Gusteau's upscale restaurant on roller skates is almost played comically, but it's a real moment of realization for Linguini. His "art" is a subtle one, but very important.
• Colette proves early on that she accepts Gusteau's maxim that "anyone can cook" when she helps Linguini get a job in the kitchen. Her devotion as a "Disciple of Gusteau" is put to the test, though, when Remy is revealed to be the mastermind chef. Ultimately, hers is a trial of faith in art, and she passes.

Sorry if the religious verbage is a bit much, but it fits pretty well.

Beyond the arcs for the main trio, though, there is another, subtler theme which becomes apparent when analyzing the roles of two supporting characters: namely, the importance of turning one's role or occupation into art. Let's look first at Remy's father (whose name, according to Wikipedia, is Django).


In the world of Ratatouille, cooking is treated as an art, not just a skill (even though we in the "real world" tend not to consider it so). However, to hear characters like Gusteau, Remy, and Colette speak of cooking, the audience soon realizes that cooking - so often a routine, mundane activity - not only nourishes the body, but it also nurtures the soul.

Initially, Django refuses to accept that cooking does anything more than fill a specific physical need. His attitude is understandable, even natural: he's the de-facto father of an entire clan, whose survival depends on pilfering food from people who would kill them on sight. He doesn't feel he can indulge his son's need for fancy flavorings; as a parent, he considers it to be his rightful role to protect and provide for his clan.

Django fills his role as provider excellently; however, he fails to realize that a parent should nurture as well as feed his children. By enlisting the aid of his clan to help Remy cook, Django finally accepts, not only his son's dreams, but also his total role as a parent. He has become a nurturer, just as Remy has with his cooking.

While that's all well and good, the real star of this subplot is the film's villain (and my new favorite Pixar character), Anton Ego.


Ego is a food critic, and, like many critics, he finds the easiest way to make a living from his criticism is to tear down. He delights in negative criticism, which sucks the soul from an artist (not to mention a star from Gusteau's restaurant). Indeed, Ego fits this negative definition of a critic so well that his entire world appears vampiric - his long frame, skeletal fingers, and thin lips mirror those of the classic vampire. Heck, his often even resembles a coffin. The man is initially a parasite - he makes his living by destroying, even devouring, others.

However, the end of the film finds Ego remembering and fulfilling the higher call of the critic. He chooses not to resort to negative criticism - which is profitable and "fun to write" - but instead puts his reputation and livelihood on the line to defend something new and enriching. Ultimately, he loses both, but he is still content, even happy, with the role he played. Ego learns to "nourish" with his criticism, becoming, in a sense, an artist himself.

Anton Ego's story is a bit preachy (and rubbed some critics the wrong way), but the message is one well-worth considering: Whatever you do, you can be an artist.

So, yeah, new favorite Pixar movie.

Damsels and Heroines: A Closer Look at Disney's Princesses (*UPDATED for 2013*)

Even though I'm not a little girl anymore... *ahem*... I still love a good Disney animated film. That said, I've taken some issue with how the company chooses to market itself ("If you don't go to Disneyland, your childhood is incomplete and your parents hate you"). I've been most fascinated by the recent emphasis on "princesses," long a staple of Disney's stories. Now, Disney Princesses are a brand unto themselves, marketed towards little girls' romantic fantasies - and I have to say I'm not sure these ladies are the best role models a girl could have.

My family's full of Disney fans, so the shows often pop up in conversation. My brother and I just had a discussion about the Disney Princesses - we tried to figure out which ones were dynamic characters who grew over the course of their story and which were static and unchanging. Going one step further, I've decided to take a look at the "official" Disney princesses, one at a time, to figure out which ones I'd want my hypothetical daughter to adulate.

Specifically, I'll look at whether these animated young women are convincingly empowered protagonists ("Heroines") who fail and overcome in true heroic fasion, or whether they're passive players in their own stories ("Damsels") who wait for someone else to solve their problems for them.

Note (and this really should go without saying): I make no claim to impartiality. I am, as always, EXTREMELY biased.

Snow White (Snow White)

Arguably, Snow White's one of the more passive Disney princesses. Her problems are out of her control almost entirely - it's not her fault that she's so pretty. Her jealous stepmother tries to kill her a couple of times out of jealousy - nearly succeeds, too, thanks to that poisoned apple. Poor, trusting Snow White never learned to be wary of ugly strangers...

The closest Snow White comes to actively participating in her own fate is through the service she provides the dwarves - they protect her, and, in return, she cooks and cleans for them. Is that proactive? Maybe, but it's hardly progressive.

Greatest Strength: Domesticity
Greatest Weakness: Gullibility
Verdict: Damsel


Cinderella (Cinderella)

Again, we've got the classic fairy tale trope - evil stepmother inflicts hardship upon a beautiful and undeserving child. Now, I find Lady Tremaine's favorable treatment of her natural children over her adopted child an understandable impulse from a stepmother (not sympathetic, perhaps, but understandable). So, again, it's not really Cinderella's fault that the world's so cruel to her.

...except the world's NOT cruel to her. Everyone loves her - dogs, mice, princes... Heck, she even has a laws-of-nature-breaking fairy godmother come in to salvage her big prom night. A "bibbidi bobbidi ex machina," if you will. I doubt I'd do much for myself if I could convince birds to do it for me.

Greatest Strength: Animal Charisma
Greatest Weakness: Poor Familial Relations
Verdict: Damsel


Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)

The poster child of passive princessdom actually gets a bit of a bad rap. True, Aurora spends at least half the movie asleep, literally waiting for a man to "bring her to life," as Amy Lee would say. She does absolutely nothing to avoid her fate.

I tend to be a bit more sympathetic towards Aurora, though, since she is kept in the dark by everyone around her. The fairies who look after her never bother to explain where she came from, and her parents didn't so much as write her a note.

I feel bad for Aurora. I hate to call her a "Damsel" - "Victim" is more like it, although that term's not big on dignity, either.

Greatest Strength: A Mean Three-Step
Greatest Weakness: Chronic Fatigue
Verdict: Damsel


Ariel (The Little Mermaid)

The most sexualized of all the Disney princes is also the most under-aged. Shame on you, Disney.

Going chronologically, Ariel's probably the first of the Disney princesses to take any real action on her own. She decides on what she wants (a man) and does everything she can to get him, up to and including making a deal with the devil. So, in an almost refreshing change of pace, Ariel's actually the cause of her own problems.

Unfortunately, Ariel's never really called upon to change as a result of what she's done (well, I guess she changes from a mermaid to a human, but... shut up). She doesn't really atone for her mistakes, and her father and boyfriend are the ones who wind up fixing everything. Ariel's just a flighty teenage girl who falls in love with a boy her dad doesn't approve of. All Eric needs is a leather jacket.

Greatest Strength: Daddy's Girl
Greatest Weakness: Hormones
Verdict: Damsel


Belle (Beauty and the Beast)

At first glance, Belle appears pretty helpless. She can't keep Gaston from courting her, she can't run away from the Beast without getting attacked by wolves, and she can't break out of the cellar to run and rescue her love. So, really, it seems like she belongs right smack dab in the center of the "Damsel" camp with a guitar singing "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore."

However, Belle's not powerless just because she can't bust through an oak door. She bravely offers to trade her life for her father's, amd she refuses to put up with the Beast's anger and childishness. I'd call Belle a "Heroine," even though she's more Florence Nightingale than Xena, Warrior Princess.

Greatest Strength: Literacy
Greatest Weakness: Weak Arms
Verdict: Heroine


Jasmine (Aladdin)

Jasmine's the only Disney princess I have no strong opinions about. Let's see if I can change that...

Agrabah's princess undergoes SOMETHING like character development, I guess - she runs away from home because she's dissatisfied with palatial life, falls for a homeless guy, and... umm... eventually gets to marry him? Like so many characters from romances, Jasmine doesn't seem to actually grow out of her weaknesses as much as she forgets about them because she's so "in love."

Still, Jasmine does come off a bit more confident and self-assured than a lot of the other princesses on the list. She stands up to Jafar, even when threatened with death and... other discomforts (Jafar basically threatens to rape her - intense crap for a kid's flick). Oh, and her singing voice is done by Lea Salonga, which is pretty cool.

Greatest Strength: Stubbornness
Greatest Weakness: Stubbornness
Verdict: Heroine


Pocahontas (Pocahontas)

Say what you will about the movie itself (and there's a LOT to be said), the titular character herself ranks among the strongest, most selfless of Disney women. True, she's dissatisfied with life for no real reason. I guess deep down she was waiting for her great white prince to come...

Awkward.

Well, in any case, literally throwing yourself in harm's way to protect someone you love earns you hero points on just about any rubric.

Greatest Strength: Selflessness
Greatest Weakness: Historical Innacuracy
Verdict: Heroine


Fa Mulan (Mulan)

It'd be too easy to look at Mulan, imagine her swinging a sword, mark down "Heroine," and be done with it. However, that's only half the story. While it's true that Mulan becomes a great soldier (she's perhaps the only Disney princess who can actually fight), it's important to remember that Mulan's story is kicked off when SHE SCREWS UP.

Mulan makes mistakes - a lot of them. She embarrasses her family, runs away from home, and impersonates a soldier. She breaks a lot of rules, and a lot of laws.

She also does her best to make things right on her own, rather than waiting for someone else to fix everything. That, to me, is what sets her ahead in the grand tally.

Greatest Strength: Transvestism
Greatest Weakness: Eddie Murphy
Verdict: Heroine


Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)

You know, for a movie set in colorful New Orleans, I found The Princess and the Frog to be a bit... bland. Tiana's perhaps one of the least well-rounded characters on the list, including the girl who spends the entirety of her own movie ASLEEP.

Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm just bothered by the fact that Tiana's main goal (to open her own restaurant) is stalled by her magical transformation into a frog - an obstacle that has NO thematic relation to her character arc.

As a character, though, I think Tiana's great. She works hard to be the best at what she loves to do, and she turns that into her career.

Also, there's an alligator or something in there.

Greatest Strength: Culinary Genius
Greatest Weakness: Umm... she works TOO hard?
Verdict: Heroine


Rapunzel (Tangled)

Man, I love this character.

Rapunzel is one of the few Disney heroines whose growth actually FEELS like growth. She starts off the film naive, immature, and unsure of herself. Eventually, she matures into a self-sacrificing yet strong young woman. She makes the difficult decision to leave the only mother she's ever known and sacrifice the thing that makes her special to get out from under Gothel's tyrrany. Yeah, the AUDIENCE knows Mother Gothel is evil, but Rapunzel clearly doesn't. So the audience gets the privilege of watching everything her life is built on crumble.

To her credit, Rapunzel handles it all well - mostly. She comes out in the end a little sadder, a little wiser, but still the same cheerful young woman she was when she started.

Greatest Strength: Follicle Fortitude
Greatest Weakness: That ^#$%in' Horse!
Verdict: Heroine

Merida(Brave)

Yes, Brave was a Pixar film, not a Disney one. Merida was coronated, though, so she belongs on the list.

Merida's an interesting character. She's a fiery redhead with a fierce sense of independence and a desire to break out of the role society demands of her - both attributes which cause problems for her nation and her parents. So she's basically Ariel with legs and a Scottish brogue.

Merida comes off better than Ariel, though. She takes responsibility for her actions and tries to fix them. Unfortunately, she isn't really forced to grow up by her experiences. Her mother changes more than Merida does.

Still a pretty awesome character, though.

Greatest Strength: Archery
Greatest Weakness: Combs
Verdict: Heroine

Anna and Elsa(Frozen)

Does... does Disney get it now?

Here we have two great characters - Anna, an excitable young woman whose wild emotions tend to cause problems, and Elsa, a literal "ice queen" who fears her own capacity to harm. Both get into trouble in equal measure, and both, from time to time, need help getting out of it. Individually, I may have had problems with these two, but together they make for one of the most interesting relationships Disney has ever depicted.

The relationship is so good, in fact, that I'll let it slide that Disney basically made a movie where the conflict was instigated by one woman's mood swings.

Greatest Strength: Sisterly Affection
Greatest Weakness: Global Warming
Verdict: Damsel AND Heroine (but which one's which?)

CONCLUSION

It looks like Disney has made an effort to make their female leads more proactive as the years go by. In years past, the princesses themselves were almost completely devoid of personality, standing in the center of their stories while the plot happened around them.

Disney's come a long way since then. The most explicit efforts to make strong female leads in Disney films (especially Mulan and Tiana) feel a bit insincere, almost like pandering. But the women of Disney have started to feel a lot less like perfect oil paintings and more like real people with the ability to influence their own destinies. Well done, indeed.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

I saw Tangled last week, and I'm still not 100% sure about how I feel about it. History has proven that I love Disney done well, but I can't quite figure out if Tangled fits into that category or not.

There's one thing about the movie I know for certain, though: Rapunzel herself may be my new favorite Disney princess.

"He really LIKES me!"

Tangled has a lot of less-desirable elements that have come to plague modern animated movies - uninspired music, stupid plot contrivances, and character designs that dance gaily in the depths of the uncanny valley. Not to mention those stupid animal sidekicks. Man, did I HATE the horse.

I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Truthfully, at first glance, Tangled looked quite a bit like a Dreamworks animated picture, an association that for me carries very few positive qualifications. Especially when you looked at the movie's slapstick trailer, which focused almost exclusively on Flynn Rider getting the crap kicked out of him by Rapunzel's hair.

Remember this scene from the movie? No?

It's almost like Disney didn't have any faith in the strength of their main character, so they shifted the focus of their marketing away from her. Heck, they even changed the title of the movie to deflect attention from the princess - Tangled implying that someone ELSE is caught up in Rapunzel's hair, not the princess herself.

Why WASN'T the movie called Rapunzel, anyway? Seriously, after about twenty minutes, all I wanted to do was watch Rapunzel. She's about the most 3D character I've ever seen in a Disney movie, and that has very little to do with the computer modelling.

Rapunzel strikes me as being very REAL (in an exaggerated, cartoony way, sure, but still real). When Rapunzel finally makes the decision to break away from her mother's control and venture out beyond the tower, she reacts... pretty much like you'd expect someone to, with a mixture of excitement and guilt. The way she switches so dramatically between these two emotions makes for a great montage, but it also accurately reflects the mood swings of a teenager.

Not only is she realistic, but she's incredibly confident and capable - moreso than any Disney princess besides Mulan (and, seriously, who counts Mulan as a princess other than the Disney marketing department?). Rapunzel is HARDLY a helpless damsel in distress, even though she is being held captive in a tower against her will. She takes on Flynn Rider all by herself, she stares down the thugs and ruffians in the tavern alone, and she even tames... sigh... that $#%^in' horse.

They say this cat Rapunzel is a bad mother- Shut your mouth!

The absolute BEST part about Rapunzel's characterization, though, is that she's not completely helpless for no reason when the plot requires her to get captured. Remember that scene when she's attacked by Flynn Rider's old associates? She stumbles about and screams for help like any good old helpless female does. See, I got to this point in the movie and asked, "What happened to the strong girl that acted so confidently back in the mine?"

Then I realized the answer: HER HAIR IS BRAIDED. That extraordinary long hair isn't just a fashion statement for Rapunzel - it's the source of her strength and confidence (at least at this point in the flick). She uses her hair as a weapon when she needs to get out of trouble, but, with her hair in that thick braid, she's completely unarmed.

Nice fashion choice. Poor tactical decision.

It's too bad that Rapunzel gets saddled with such lazy supporting characters and lackluster musical numbers. (Seriously, when I heard Rapunzel's first song, I thought Miley Cyrus was doing her voice, and that's NOT a compliment to anyone). Still, the character herself is well-crafted and incredibly likable, so I'm pretty sure, if anyone asks whether I like Tangled or not, I'll have to answer in the affirmative.

Or, you know, go off on a twenty-minute rant on how I coulda made the movie better.

So I Finally Saw The Princess and the Frog

...and I was kind of underwhelmed.

It's not a BAD movie by any means. Just unimpressive. I mean, there's nothing here I haven't seen in any other Disney cartoon - and, usually, it's done better (although the annoying animal sidekick is almost NEVER done well). The most standout thing in the movie is the black Disney princess, but she's not really a great character, as her biggest fault is that she's TOO diligent and hardworking.

(I guess they were really desperate to avoid any racist accusations)

My favorite part of the movie takes place less than ten minutes into the flick. Li'l Tiana's talking to her dad about opening a restaurant, and the dad gets all misty-eyed talking about how good food can help bring people together.

Here's the exact quote:

"You know the thing about good food? It brings folks together from all walks of life. It warms them right up and it puts little smiles on their faces."

I seriously love this moment. Mr. Tiana (I don't know his name, and I'm tired of looking every little thing up on IMDB) looks at food in a different light from most. It's not just about filling stomachs, it's about filling SOULS. Food can do more than fulfill a biological necessity - it can transcend it's definition, become sublime.

Food can be art. And this is awesome.

I firmly believe that ANYTHING can be art, if the creator is willing to make his chosen medium (food, pottery, even video games - I'm looking at YOU, Roger Ebert) something relatable across the spectrum of human experience.

So, yeah, Tiana's dad's a pretty cool guy - humble, devoted, and brilliantly passionate about what he does.

Then the plot remembers that he's a parent in a Disney movie and bumps him off. Oh, well.

Things I'll Love Forever: Enchanted

Rough effity Monday. I’ve been chewed out by three different people already, and it’s not even 11:00 AM. Well, in a rare display of positive-thinking, I’m gonna try to cope with this by kicking off a new feature for the blog I plan on returning to when I get stuck for subjects to write about: Things I’ll Love Forever. First subject: Enchanted.


Good night, I LOVE this movie.

The funny thing, though, is that everything I am screams that I should HATE Enchanted. It’s ridiculously optimistic, cheesy, and INCREDIBLY girly. It’s a freakin’ Disney movie, for cryin’ out loud! Yet I can’t help it: Enchanted ranks as one of my all-time favorite movies. Here’s why:

1 – Amy Adams. Gotta love her. She’s cute, spunky, vivacious, and… DANG, that girl has pipes!

2 – Enchanted is a throwback to all the best Disney cartoons, and, as a child of the 90s, I grew up with the best of the best: Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and The Lion King. Heck, I even loved The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I was skeptical at first to hear that Disney was putting out a live-action movie modeled after their old “princess” cartoons, but I’ll be darned if it didn’t work.

3 – The worst part of most Disney cartoons is the talking animal sidekick. Enchanted had the decency to take that frickin’ talking chipmunk and shut him up. Can’t remember his name, but if you’re a talking chipmunk and your name isn’t Chip or Dale, then I don’t really want to know you.

4 – “That’s How You Know.” Probably one of the catchiest Disney songs of all time.

5 – Shout “Giselle!” Now bite your finger. I bet you’re giggling a little bit.

6 – The message of the movie’s actually pretty good. It strikes a balance between having “fairy tale” aspirations and being “sensible.” Giselle, of course, learns that her “one true love” isn’t the one she first thought. However, Patrick Dempsey (whose character name I can NEVER remember – I’ma just call him McDreamy) also learns that his meticulous romantic planning wasn’t going to work out, either. The balanced approach winds up being a better lesson – and a bit more original – than the usual Disney “star-wishing.”

7 –Almost every scene in Enchanted contains multiple visual references to other Disney films. Some are obvious (like McSteamy’s outfit at the ball – a replica of the Beast’s suit he wore during the dance sequence in Beauty and the Beast), some are a bit more obscure (McFly’s receptionist is played by the same girl that provided Ariel’s voice in The Little Mermaid). It’s a nice little touch that turns watching Enchanted into a game of Where’s Waldo?

Enchanted: You're cutesy to the point of disgusting, but I'll love you forever.

Disney + Marvel = Hardcore Brilliance

Big news in the nerd-world: Disney bought out Marvel Comics. A lot of people seem to be worried, for some reason, that Disney is somehow going to “ruin” the superhero comics. As for me… well, I’m not sure.

I’ll admit the idea of a Disney-owned Marvel Comics really got my imagination fired up. I SHOULD have spent the day yesterday working on my lines for Arsenic and Old Lace (opening September 11 at the Empress Theatre. Purchase tickets at http://empresstheatre.com). Instead, though, I started hammering out story ideas which would inevitably result from the union of the House of Ideas and the House of Mouse.

Frankly, I think there’s a lot of potential here. For example:

The stress of leading a double life has finally broken Peter Parker’s spirit, and he retires the mask of Spider Man… perhaps forever. However, a chance encounter with a rising starlet may inspire Peter to accept who he his – both sides. Hannah Montana guest stars! Spider Man: Best of Both Worlds.

Peace continues to elude Bruce Banner, who escapes to Hawaii in search of a more relaxing environment. But when a sudden alien invasion brings out the green giant, it’s up to the ever-volatile Experiment #626 to bring him back to his senses. Can Stitch save the Earth from the Hulk’s rampage and teach Banner the true meaning of family? Find out in The Incredible Hulk: Ohana.

The woods were a peaceful place. However, this winter, all that changes with the arrival of drug runner Viggo Panarelli and the ruthless vigilante chasing him. As the snow piles up, the two men must battle the cold, wild animals, and the threat of starvation. Their violent feud will tear the forest apart… and the mystery of who killed Bambi’s mother will finally be revealed in The Punisher: Twitterpated.

(Wish I could take credit for this next one… unfortunately, it was actually Dax’s idea. Jerk)

Life looks good for the Senior Class of East High School… that is, until Troy’s skin turns purple and Sharpay suddenly grows gills. Now ostracized by their former friends, the two make a new home for themselves at a very different kind of school. Meanwhile, Gabriella struggles with her feelings for Troy and wonders if she can stay true. Come and sing along with your favorite teen idols as they learn to cope with the changes life brings in Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters: The Musical.

October 31, 2010: Notorious vampire hunter Blade awakens in a strange, demonic world, populated by creatures straight from his darkest nightmares. Now he fights to eradicate them before they can bridge the gap between their world and Earth. Little does he know that the very existence of the Earth depends on the continued existence of this terrifying realm. Now it’s up to Jack Skellington to bring the Daywalker to his senses in Blade: This is Halloween.

Cruella De Ville returns with a vengeance! Now that she owns the Dalmation Plantation, all hope seems lost. Desperately, Patch heads out into the great big world, looking for help… and he finds a most unexpected hero! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll claw your pillow in excitement as you read Wolverine: Dalmation Salvation.

Deep in uncharted space, the mad titan Thanos schemes to once again reunite the powerful Infinity Gems and establish himself as the supreme ruler of the universe. The only hope lies with an elite cadre of Space Rangers and their fearless leader – the inestimable Buzz Lightyear. Their battle will take the Rangers to the very edge and back! Find out more in Buzz Lightyear: Beyond Infinity.

His marriage to the magical princess Giselle seems to be rapidly deteriorating, so Robert turns to an old friend from law school to negotiate the divorce. Little does he know that the man he hired is the Man Without Fear! Now Matt Murdock finds his attention divided between helping his friend and tackling the latest machinations of arch-villain The Kingpin! Can true love prevail in Daredevil: Happily Ever After?

You know, I’m actually holding back. I didn’t even get into my Ghost Rider/Cars crossover. Honestly, though, stories like these could actually be good for both Disney and Marvel – provided no one took them TOO seriously (as we nerds are so prone to do). Let me ask you: What other Disney/Marvel crossovers would you like to see?