Flirty Chicken

Which one will blink first?

Hey there, are you single? Do you enjoy the thrill of the chase, but you just can't bring yourself to cross the finish line? Or maybe you need to brush up on your "come hither skills"? Here's a game for you.

"Flirty Chicken" is played with two people. One player initiates a flirt - subtly, casually - and the second person escalates. The two players continue to flirt back and forth, gradually increasing the intensity of their flirtations - maybe you'll take hold of her hand, or lean in to whisper in his ear.

First one to blush loses.

If you both wind up making out, you both lose "Flirty Chicken," but you win something else...

Oh, and in case you were curious:

Why I'm Still Single 30

And, for the record, that's EXACTLY how I dance.

Braddy Reads My Name is Asher Lev

"No one says you have to paint ultimate anguish and torment. But if you are driven to paint it, you have no other way." - My Name is Asher Lev, page 326

This book has been on my "to-read" list ever since it was first recommended to me five years ago. I can't tell you why I put it off for so long. My Name is Asher Lev is easily the best book I've read in the last two years.

My Name is Asher Lev tells the story of a Hasidic Jew whose love of art and painting puts him at odds with his devout father, who feels the boy's days would be better spent studying the Torah. The boy continues to develop his art, despite the fact that his paintings reflect the conflict he feels with his community and injure the people he loves.

That's the plot in a nutshell, but the experience of reading is so much more rewarding than a one-paragraph synopsis would indicate. At first, Chaim Potok's writing style made reading a chore. His narrator speaks in terse, unemotional sentences that really taxed my attention (I believe this may just be Potok's style, as I had a similar response to The Chosen).

However, in time, Asher's short sentences reveal themselves to be full of tacit emotion. The boy paints because he CAN'T communicate in words as most people do - at least, not in a way that others would find meaningful. Asher continues to paint, even when he believes his art may lead him to hell, because he literally can do nothing else.

I don't know that I can really add much more. My Name is Asher Lev was nearly a revelation. I feel more inspired - to write, to draw, and even to live my faith.

So, yeah, it's recommended.

S.R. Braddy Drinking Game

Man, it seems like my life's pretty much on repeat right now. I keep hearing and saying the same things over and over and OVER - "Work sucks," "Man, I really need to write more," and "No, I HAVEN'T been dating anyone, Dad!"

So when things get so repetitive, I figure one can do something bold and dramatic to break up the monotony - go on an adventure, take on a new hobby, etc.

Or, you know, you can devise a drinking game based on your life.

Now, I don't actually drink, and I never plan to start, but someone out there right now may need an excuse to get drunk, so HERE WE GO:

The S.R. Braddy Drinking Game:

• Take a SIP if Braddy says "Batman."


• Take a SIP if you see Braddy wearing an unironed shirt.


• Take a SIP if Braddy says he "hates" anything (Most days, this'll get you drunk before breakfast).


• Take a SIP if Braddy says something is his "favorite."


• Take a SWIG if you see Braddy walking down the street reading.


• Take a SWIG if Braddy writes a blog.


• Take a SIP if someone tells Braddy that he needs to date more.


• Take a SWIG if Braddy quotes a song lyric out of context.


• Take a SWIG if you see Braddy dancing in the aisles of the grocery store.


• Take a SIP if Braddy buys ice cream while there.


• FINISH YOUR BEER if Braddy DOES go on a date.

Now let's turn this into a meme - I'd like to see other people develop their OWN drinking games. If you do, post a link.

Daily Sketches: A New Frontier

I went to a church dodgeball activity, thinking it'd be a good opportunity to draw people in action. I wound up getting caught up in the game myself, so I didn't quite get the picture I wanted.

That said, I'm actually pretty pleased with how the girl in the picture above turned out - the pose, the face, even the clothes I think work pretty well. However, by the time I got over to drawing the guy, I pretty much gave up.


There's not a whole lot to say about this particular picture. I thought I'd try to draw something showcasing a sense of isolation. I'm not sure how well I succeeded...

Now here's something I've never tried before:


When I first started learning to draw, I turned to Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain to pick up the basics. I pretty much glossed over the chapter that dealt with light and shadow, though. Now I've decided it's time to go back and learn about tones and shading so that I can add some depth to the pictures I draw.

I mean, I don't MIND that everything I do looks like a page from a coloring book, but still... time to branch out.

Kinder Toy Superstars

A pair of bored LDS missionaries serving in Olomouc, CZ, looked forward with great anticipation to their weekly trip to the grocery store - not so they could buy tasty and nutritious muesli, but so they could alleviate their boredom by building up their collection of Kinder Surprise toys.

It eventually got to the point where they no longer ate the candy - the chocolate eggshell was simply another obstacle preventing them from getting to the plastic treasures inside.

Here, then, are the greatest spoils that one of these young warriors found in his quest:


These guys came in three separate eggs. Each egg held the pieces to one of the soda pop cans plus a little green dude (who looks sadly like one of those jokers from the Mucinex commercials).

What makes these toys COOL, though, is that the soda cans actually hooked up, so your little blobs of green sloth could actually hang out together and have a... litter-beach party.

STILL COOL!


These two came with a little poster that cheekily displayed them participating in a race together. However, they're still quite awesome - their heads bob as they roll on the ground, like little rubber Muppets. That's pretty intricate machinery for a little kid's toy inside a chocolate egg.

Now THESE were the prize of my collection:




These knights and ladies each came in their own egg. The knights each had a matching squire, and even the princess had a little servant boy with the crown. Those little gold knights up top had... almost nothing to do with the collection, yet here they are.

It took me FOREVER to find all these little guys - at least thirteen eggs. And yet, I STILL don't have the whole collection. There's a little witch that matches up with the wizard in the top picture. I never even saw it.

However, I heard a rumor that another missionary a couple of cities over got the witch in one of his eggs... and then decided it would be fun to burn her at the stake.

Jerk.

Top 10 New Doctor Who Episodes (So Far)

Since we're now all about owning up to our interests and not being ashamed...

As a kid I watched old episodes of Doctor Who with my brothers and dad. Of course, the series went off the air right around the time I turned five, so I don't really have a whole lot of memories of the classic series.

Recently I've managed to watch (thanks to some generous brothers and the Salt Lake City Library System) the complete new series of Doctor Who that started back up in 2005. With the sixth series starting up on Saturday, now seemed like a good time to think back on the best of the revamped series and pick my favorites... because why not?

10 – The Lodger


Quote: "No, I'll fix it, I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister." - The Doctor

Matt Smith picked up the role of the Doctor last year and, even though he's done a spectacular job, I haven't really taken to the new direction the series has gone in. My pick for the best Series Five episode is the one-shot joke-filled story where the Doctor - an infinitely wise space-faring time-traveller - signs up for a flatshare and lives like a normal human being for a few days. The Lodger is funny, well-written, and, unlike other one-shot joke-filled episodes, contains no references to romantic relationships with blocks of concrete.

If you don't know, you're better off. Trust me.

9 – School Reunion


Quote: "May I introduce... Miss Sarah Jane Smith?" - Mr. Finch

Even though I don't have a lot of connection to the original run of Doctor Who, even I could grasp the significance of reuniting the Doctor with one of his companions from an earlier time. Of course, it doesn't hurt that this episode also features a legion of voracious bat-monsters led by an uber-creepy Anthony Head.

8 – Midnight


Quote: "Oh, Doctor, you're so handsome. Yes, I am. Thank You." - The Doctor and Sky Silvestry

Doctor Who's fourth series didn't do a whole lot for me. Sure, there were a few solid episodes, but most everything else was pretty bland. However, Midnight is a stand-out exercise in terror, pitting the know-it-all Doctor against a terrifying monster he'd never encountered before.

You know that thing you did when you were a kid where you'd repeat everything somebody else said? The monster's like that, except replace the "annoying" with "frightening."

7 – The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances


Quote: "Are you my Mummy?" - The Child

Doctor Who fans place a lot of confidence in now head writer Steven Moffat, and with good reason - his episodes definitely feature some of the strongest character work the series has seen (I've put four of his stories on this list). The Empty Child and its companion episode turn a lonely orphan child into a force of terror, all while showcasing the great range of sadly short-lived Doctor Christopher Eccleston.

6 – Dalek


Quote: "EXTERMINATE!" - Dalek

Daleks have long been a staple of Doctor Who stories - allegedly so frightening that children watched the show from behind the couch cushions. I'd never understood what made these creatures so terrifying...

...until now.

Again, actor Christopher Eccleston does a brilliant job portraying the fear the Doctor feels when he encounters his ancient enemy. The tension between the two is so thick that you WILL believe that an upside-down garbage pail with a wire whisk and plunger taped to it can be scary.

Promise.

5 – Human Nature/The Family of Blood


Quote: "I dream I'm this adventurer. This daredevil, a madman. The Doctor, I'm called." - The Doctor/John Smith

On the run from a family of mercenaries, the Doctor suppresses his alien characteristics and takes on the life of a normal human. Unlike The Lodger above, though, these episodes find a Doctor who no longer remembers who he is. David Tennant has been a fan-favorite as the Doctor, and this episode shows the primary reason for his popularity - he's just a darn good actor.

4 – The Shakespeare Code


Quote: "Banished like a tinker's cuss, I say to thee... Expelliarmus!" - William Shakespeare

It's been a pretty common theme of the new Who series to tell stories about classic monster and give them an extraterrestrial twist. While this formula hasn't worked great for most monsters (vampires are actually giant space fish?), the witches the Doctor faces in The Shakespeare Code seem to work. The spells they wield are built around a science founded in words rather than numbers.

Hey, I know the science is shaky, but if you're watching a series about a time-travelling, shape-shifting alien, you don't ask a lot of questions about it.

Basically, this episode can be boiled down to "The Doctor and Shakespeare team up to fight witches," and that's cool.

3 – The Girl in the Fireplace


Quote: "I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!" - The Doctor

I watched a couple of episodes of Doctor Who with interest, but it wasn't until I saw The Girl in the Fireplace that I thought the series was anything special (and it's a Steven Moffat episode, natch). The clockwork courtisans that make up the episode's villains are a visual treat, the "historical guest star" Madame de Pompadour is played with a lot of heart, and the Doctor... gets drunk and invents the banana daiquiri.

2 – Blink


Quote: ""Don't Blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn
your back. Don't look away. And don't Blink. Good Luck." - The Doctor

Steven Moffat excels at turning childhood fears into powerful storytelling tools - everything from darkness to voices under the bed to cracks in the wall are given terrible significance when Moffat's holding the pen.

Blink is basically an entire one-hour episode dedicated to exploring that creepy sensation you get when you think you see something moving out of the corner of your eye, complete with off-putting statues and a strong female protagonist (the episode barely features the Doctor, and you don't really miss him).

***

Now, I'm pretty sure my choice for number one is probably not going to line up with any other Doctor Who fan, but... oh, heck with it.

1 – A Christmas Carol


Quote: "Oh then, what's this? Big flashy lighty thing, that's what brought me here! Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually. But give me time. And a crayon." - The Doctor

Given my well-documented love of A Christmas Carol, I really had no choice.

Although none of the regular season episodes featuring Matt Smith's Doctor did anything for me, his latest outing, where he has to prevent a spaceship from crashing by convincing a bitter old man to just BE NICE for a change, is just about everything I want from a feel-good Christmas story. There's snow, childhood frivolity, a strong yet subtle endorsement for "peace on earth" and all that jazz, and some beautiful Christmas music.

Plus, kudos go to writer Steven Moffat for actually taking a fresh approach to the age-old Christmas special gimmick of visiting angry octogenarians with the Ghosts of Christmas.

I found this particular episode to be full of heart, charm, and enough good surprises to keep me interested. I'd been worried about Matt Smith's Doctor from the beginning, but, with this show under his belt, I've got high hopes for the future.

Things I'll Love Forever: Easter Candy

I know that, when Easter rolls around, we really should be focused on more important things, but I just can't help it - I love me some Easter candy.

1 - I don't know what it is, but just about EVERY SINGLE CANDY BAR tastes better egg-shaped - Butterfinger, Snickers... even Reese's peanut butter eggs are a delight - and I don't really care for Reese's otherwise.

2 - Even though there's a huge variety of flavors, I just can't get enough of the original variety of Starburst Jelly Beans. Eating them is a delicate process - the green ones are the first to go, followed by the yellow and purple. Orange, red, and pink I save for last - they're the best.

If I could buy a bag of Starburst: Just the Pink Ones, I totally would. Heck, M & Ms come in just the green bags at Valentines. Someone make this happen!

3 - I guess these aren't TECHNICALLY Easter candies, but Kinder Surprise Eggs are about the most fun a person can have with candy. A chocolate egg with an awesome little toy inside? That's pure joy in a foil wrapper.

Of course, not all the toys are great. I mean, you can get a four-piece jigsaw puzzle or a flipbook the size of your thumbnail. However, if you get one of these:


Then it's like Christmas and Easter rolled into one great big holiday ball of misplaced Christian celebration!

4 - Check this out:


IT'S A GINORMOUS EGG!!!

That's just classy.

5 - I know a lot of people think these are gross, but I LOVE Cadbury Cream Eggs. Every year, I buy a four-pack of the eggs, eat them all in ten minutes, and get sick to my stomach. It's as traditional as wearing big hats to church.

However:


Shrinking eggs? Not cool, Cadbury.

Okay, so maybe it's a bit childish to get worked up so much over candy every spring, but I prefer to think of it as a ritual of renewal. Easter candy makes me feel young again, and that's why I love it forever.

By the way, if you're wondering why I didn't say anything about Peeps, it's because they're gross. So there.

Geek Shame

Please be sure to don appropriate eyewear before reading.

Last night I somehow got involved in a conversation between a couple of Dune aficionados. A young woman passing by overheard the discussion and got excited. She hadn't heard of Dune, but she's been on the lookout for a new sci-fi obsession since Battlestar Galactica ended. So she listened to the conversation with interest, but you could tell there was something stopping her from expressing her enthusiasm.

Turns out she was EMBARRASSED to be seen discussing sci-fi in public.

Huh.

It's funny how some hobbies people are free to discuss in public, while others... well, I've never seen a conversation about The Lord of the Rings that ended with two people having a deepened understanding for each other unless they were already wearing elf ears.

The thing I find funny about "geek interests" is that they capture the imaginations of thousands and thousands of people, but if one were to express interest in the latest entry in the Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series he or she would likely be greeted with plaster grins and face an immediate decline in social standing.


I'll be the first to admit that learning the names of the American presidents is probably SLIGHTLY more important than learning to name by sight all the aliens in the Cantina scene from the first Star Wars movie. That said, though, is there really any interest out there that is so frivolous that it IMMEDIATELY renders its subscribers socially unfit for conversation.

While it's true that not everyone wants to discuss the minute yet significant differences between different breeds of Pokémon, most self-proclaimed "geeks" have enough self-awareness to KNOW when a topic of conversation has overstayed its welcome - at least going by what this chart says:


For the record, I consider myself a geek - though I admit to dancing more than occasionally on that pink line right next to "Nerd." I make no apologies for liking the things I do - in fact, I'd say my life is actually quite a bit better for what I choose to indulge in.

And, truthfully, I see a lot of other interests that aren't strictly "geeky" but demand the same level of interest and attention from their participants. And, really, they're not that different from the types of activities "geeks" participate in.

• If you have ever painted your chest or face for a sporting event, you have participated in cosplay. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned


• If you have ever indulged in Fantasy Football, you'd find those skills are likely transferable to selecting a killer Pokémon line up. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.


• If you have ever fantasized about getting swept off your feet by Fitzwilliam Darcy, you have just indulged in some self-insert fan-fiction. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.


• If you can easily insert a quote from Arrested Development into daily conversation, then that's one more thing you have in common with Monty Python fans. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.


• If you own a complete television series on DVD, you have shown that you're about as completist as any Lost fanatic. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.


• If you spend an hour or more playing Farmville, Bejeweled, or even Solitaire, you're not that much different from your neighbor and his level 56 Night Elf Hunter. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.


• If you've ever looked down on someone for not liking/not being aware of your favorite band, know that there's someone just as appalled that you never saw Howl's Moving Castle. YOU ARE A GEEK, and shall be shunned.

Now, since everyone is shunning everyone else, maybe I'll finally have time to finish playing through Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion before the sequel comes out.

Heartbreak Makes for Darn Good Entertainment

Not MY heartbreak, mind. Just the whole concept in general.

I've been trying to think recently about my favorite experiences from the time I've been a Jester. Every time I try to narrow down which scene I've loved the best, I come back to the same one - a heartbreaking little moment when a man and a woman who had (supposedly) moved on met up at a club one night.

Heck, I wasn't even IN this scene. Still, it's my all-time favorite - has yet to be topped.

So we see a man and a woman, standing on opposite sides of the stage. They glance around the room casually until they catch sight of each other. Immediately, they turn away, shuddering.

The woman gets up the nerve to move in first. She closes the gap and says, with a great big whitewashed smile, "Hi Brady."*

Brady returns the forced grin. "Hi, Keri."

Small talk is exchanged - the usual niceties that people share when they don't REALLY want to talk right now. Finally, Brady asks, somewhat nervously, "How's the love life?"

Another man walks in. He strides confidently up to the talking couple and puts his arm around Keri. Keri laughs nervously and introduces them. "Darian, this is Brady. You've heard me talk about Brady before, right?"

Darian sizes Brady up. "Nope," he says, then excuses himself to get a drink.

Now the emotions really start to muck up what was otherwise a pretty polite exchange.

"I can't believe you moved on so quickly!" Brady says.

Keri throws her hands up. "What else was I supposed to do? We're broken up. It's over!"

Brady shifts uncomfortably. "Look, it's not that easy..."

"Besides," Keri says, "I thought you had a new girlfriend, too."

"She left me!" Brady snaps.

The audience goes nuts with laughter. Cue curtain.

I have to admit - I'm not 100% sure what made the above scene so FUNNY to watch. I mean, the exchange itself is anything BUT humorous. The only thing I can think of is that we all experienced the unadulterated delight that comes from watching a tense, emotional scene literally grow out of nothing.

People I talk to know that improv is a source of frustration for me. But when it works... MAN, is it rewarding!

* - Names have not been changed to protect the innocent, because who cares?

The Last Chapter

The last time I visited my parents, I went digging around in the closet and found a thin, black binder with several plastic covered pages – the autobiography I wrote for my junior high English class, back when I looked like this:


I remember I caused a bit of a stir with the very last chapter of the little book, in which we were supposed to predict our own futures. Now, I don’t actually REMEMBER what I wrote there – I mean, I did write this thing half a lifetime ago. So, let’s take a look at it and laugh together, shall we?

Most people want to know what will be happening to them in the future. Actually, the concept of the future doesn’t bother me much. I’m not too worried about where I will be or who I will be with, but if I had to predict what I will be doing in the future, I have several ideas. Most of them are rather negative, but that’s just the way I am. So, live with it.

After I graduate from Cyprus High School, I will spend two semesters studying English, Science, Mathematics, Choral Music, and the LDS Doctrine and Brigham Young University. I will be there with most of my old friends, including Garret and Darian. My other friends will be off at various other schools. Some will be on their missions, ‘thrusting in their sickles with might.’ I will be looking forward very much to my mission.

Finally, after the two semesters are up, I will receive a call to serve in Russia. The work there will be very difficult, and several times I will become incredibly depressed, but in the end I will pull through with help from my family, friends, and, of course, the Lord. Unfortunately, I will be sent home early from my mission, because I will be attacked and stabbed by an anti-Mormon thug. The injuries will not cause serious damage, but it will be enough to require my being sent home. This experience will shake me, and for the rest of my life I will regret that I was not able to complete my mission.

After recovering from the injury, I will return to college for another three years. I will graduate with a degree in journalism. After spending several months working odd-jobs, I will find employment as a drama critic for the Deseret News. I will spend my off time writing various novels, most of which get published, but none of them ever become really popular. I will also become a minor playwright, but, again, none of my works ever really become successful.

One day, I will receive a letter in the mail from the current principle of Hunter Junior High School. As part of a motivational assembly, he has asked that several of the more renowned alumni of the school come and talk to the students. When my turn comes to address the student body, I tell them a little about the hardships that I had while attending the school. I will warn them several times not to procrastinate, and to always try to be a positive influence on the school. In short, I just become another voice in the back of each little kid’s mind, saying ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that.’

I have never considered myself a candidate for marriage. While attending college, and even after graduating, I will date several different times. I never get married however. Actually, I never date the same person more than twice, just because I will get nervous on dates every time I go on them, even group dates.

My chances for ever getting married are dashed when I am drafted to fight in World War III, when the United States declares war on Iraq. The group of soldiers I am placed with will hop around Northern Africa and the Middle East. My squad will be involved in the Battle of Cairo, where the Iraqi troops unleash a terrible biological weapon that causes skin cells to dry up and flake off the muscles. Luckily, we will be prepared for that type of offensive and will be properly equipped to handle it. After several months of fighting, we will finally win and chase them back into Iraq. While hiking across a small desert I will be separated from the platoon in a sandstorm. After wandering for a few days, I will end up in Iraq, just in time to be caught in the explosion of the U.S.’s H-bomb when it is dropped on the enemy country.

So there you have it: the end of Stephen Bradford’s depressing life. Of course, I doubt that any of the pessimistic details in this prediction will come true, but you did ask for a prediction, and I work the best when I am talking about morbid and depressing subjects. Now if you want to know what I really think will happen, I won’t have an answer for you. Put simply, I have absolutely no clue what the devil I will be doing in college or after I graduate. All I know is that I will go to college, I will at least begin to serve an LDS mission, I will have a career that involves some form of writing, and odds are against me ever getting married.

Oh.

My.

$#%^.

That’s about the most hopeless, depressing thing I’ve ever read – and I’ve read The Grapes of Wrath, 1984, and Les Miser-frickin’-ables. I mean, within the first four paragraphs, I consign myself to a life of misery, mediocrity, regret… and THEN things get WORSE. Geez, I… sweet galloping reindeer of Christmas, I can’t even joke about this anymore. Here, I'ma go drown my predicted woes in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. You cheer yourself up with this picture of a kitten:






I mean, JEEZ!

Things I'll Love Forever: The Fantasticks

I've long considered musical theater to be something of a broken genre. Admittedly, my opinion is based primarily on the relatively limited selection of musicals I've been exposed to, a list that consists primarily of Rodgers and Hammerstein artifacts (Sorry, Sound of Music fans, but I find your show quaint and uninspired).

Back in college, though, I took a class on the history of the Broadway musical where I was exposed to this little production:


My life's been better for it.

1. The Fantasticks involves a tiny cast of seven people (and a wall) on a tiny stage - so unlike the pomp and bombast of today's Broadway productions. The intimacy of the show allows for a purer focus on storytelling over showmanship - something you rarely see in Broadway anymore.
2. Despite the small size of the cast, every character leaves a powerful impression - from the silly romantic Louisa to the (culturally insensitive?) Indian Mortimer who is good at dying.
3. The enigmatic El Gallo, narrator (and antagonist?) of the story sits on my list of roles I'd love to play. He's equal parts charismatic and threatening - a showman's showman.
4. Most Broadway nerds unfamiliar with The Fantasticks have heard and love "Try To Remember," a low-key, moving little number about clinging to good memories when times are hard. The other music's worth checking out as well. Sadly, you don't get to hear the rape song anymore ("It Depends on What You Pay") without heavy alterations to the lyrics (but we all still talk about "The Rape of the Sabine Women").
5. In my mind, the most ingenious aspect of The Fantasticks is how the show is able to turn its alleged weaknesses to its advantage. A cardboard moon hanging during a romantic scene is taken down when the mystique of the evening turns to the unflattering light of day. There's not even an actual wall in the story, but a mime holding a stick. The "wall" can thus serve as a one-man stage crew and prop dispenser, all surprisingly without breaking the illusion of the show.
6. When you add it all together - the simplistic set, the broken character cliches, and the cardboard moon - The Fantasticks serves as a surprisingly sophisticated deconstruction of the Broadway musical. The show definitely has a cynical side but manages to maintain the heart of a good, old-fashioned Broadway romance even so.

The movie version, starring New Kid on the Block Joey McIntyre and Teller (of Penn & Teller) in a speaking role, served as my introduction to the show. However, you're best served catching it on stage if you can... and I just so happen to know of a production in Murray right now. Go see it!

The Fantasticks won me over by showing that you can have your cynical cake and eat it too, and that's why I'll love it forever.

Braddy Reads Mister B. Gone

Ever since I started exploring the world of horror movies, I've been curious to take a stab at horror fiction. So I picked up this little book by horror legend Clive Barker. Mister B. Gone tells the story of a demon who has been trapped within the pages of a book.

And that book... IS THE ONE YOU'RE HOLDING RIGHT NOW!

Actually, that's the entire reason I picked this particular book up. I love the idea of fiction having an impact on the "material" world, so to have a book consciously out to do you harm... That's a conceit I can get behind.

Sadly, the story itself is pretty lacking. We read the life of a demon from the Ninth Circle named Jakabok Botch or "Mister B," a nickname that comes literally out of nowhere and leads to one of the most forehead-slappingest title inserts I've ever read ("Mister B, be gone!"). For most of the book, Mister B is a pathetic, spineless coward, who goes to great lengths to describe just how wretched and disgusting he is.

On occasion, the demon breaks away from the narrative to play "mind games" with the reader - claiming he can read your innermost desires, commenting on the sweatiness of your palms, etc. Truthfully, these were the parts of the book I found most effective. I don't know that I ever felt anything close to fear from reading the book, but Clive Barker pulls some pretty skillful moves writing AS a demonic book. More than once I caught myself smirking and thought, "Wow, that was clever."

Again, though, the actual NARRATIVE is weak. Mister B isn't a character to fear or even pity. He's just disgusting. The few attempts that are actually made to turn Mister B the sniveller into an intimidating figure are so ridiculously over the top that I can't tell whether I'm supposed to laugh or dry-heave.

For example, there's a scene where Mister B is driven away from a local village after he has terrorized them for months. The villagers found his location because Mister B had gathered up a bunch of DEAD BABIES so he could BATHE IN BABY BLOOD. Apparently, there was a hole in the bag he used, so he LITERALLY LEFT A TRAIL OF DEAD BABIES that led right to him.

Actually, the fact that I find that funny may be a little scary in and of itself. Still, I didn't read Mister B. Gone to experience the fridge horror from unintentional comedy.

Sorry, Mr. Barker. I just didn't like your book.

Conference Sketches: Two Scenes

Screw you, Edward. THIS is what vampires look like!

It took me a while to get the poses and proportions right. The li'l robot in the foreground kept coming off quite a bit smaller than I wanted, and, at one point, the vampire looked like he was recoiling AWAY from the kid with the bat rather than jumping AT him. I'm pleased with how things turned out.


This is a test scene for a story I'd like to tell about a kid who just decides he's had enough of school for the day and decides to run away from his teacher. The design for the boy came pretty much out of nowhere. The teacher took a bit more deliberation: I drew several different teachers, but none of the designs worked for me. The glasses and bun, though, were consistent.

***

I've lost a lot of motivation for the artsy things I've been dabbling in the last couple of years. All the drawing and writing is starting to feel less like fun and a lot like... well, work

Anyway, the other day, after I went to bed a little early, the thought came to me that ANYTHING I really WANT to do is going to BE work, so I might as well suck it up and get something done. I sat up in bed, pulled out my laptop, and wrote two pages - not a lot, granted, but more than my 250 word per day goal.

I Know, I Know, I KNOW!!!

I thought I noticed a lot of references to the Word of Wisdom during the first couple of sessions of today's General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I wasn't quite sure why, until I heard addresses from Elder Dallin H. Oaks AND President Thomas S. Monson, both of whom stressed the importance for young single men to take the initiative in dating.


I think they put the subjects together to prevent all the single LDS males from running out to get drunk right after conference.

Hey, I know what I said. That doesn't make it easy for me.