The Burden of Language: Braddy's Most Hated Words

I obsess over words a bit more than most people (goes hand-in-hand with the whole degree in English thing that I got). Now, the truth is that I really LIKE words - I think they're fun, expressive, and downright interesting. I don't read the dictionary (well, I don't read the dictionary OFTEN, that is), but I love discovering new words and how to use them.

That said, there are a LOT of words that I just can't stand. My reasons for disliking words vary from case to case, but, once I've selected a word to go in my "hate pile," it STAYS there until its had a good hard think about what it's done.

Let's look at some of my most hated words:


bureaucracy - I may just be petty, but I HATE words that I can't spell easily. Spelling should come easily to people who study English, right? Right?

Unfortunately, some words just never got the hint. For the life of me, I can't ever seem to spell "bureaucracy" right the first time (I actually tried three different spellings while compiling this list before finally looking it up). The word's got so many stupid vowels just to make a simple "ah" sound, while the "yoo" sound in the first syllable SHOULD be where all those extra vowels wind up.

If I had MY way, "bureaucracy" would be spelled "beurahcracy." And, um, I guess we'd all be from Georgia.

(As an aside, I have similar problems with the words occasion and silhouette.)


fail - The internet is hell for English majors. When a particularly terrible linguist dies, he is damned to wander the message boards of the great wide web forever, where he will spend his days hacking through the prickly undergrowth of bad grammar and his nights hiding from the ravenous, marauding "LOLs" and "STFUs," which have been known to strip a man's flesh from his bones in SECONDS.

I GET it, though - the internet generation hates words. It's okay. Most people would probably skip straight over this post because there are words with more than one syllable in it. When you post a funny picture of a man with his hand caught in a vending machine, you don't WANT to post a caption that says, "Oh, dear me, look at this silly chap and laugh at the foolish way he has chosen to acquire his tasty carbonated beverage, ho ho ho," while you adjust your monocle and take a sip from your tea cup. It's easier just to type "FAIL" and move on. That's fine.

Here's a fun fact: most of the time, "fail" is NOT a noun. If a person fails at something, their loss is not called a "fail." The correct word is "failure." It's true. We already have a word that means "an act of proving unsuccessful," and unfortunately for you, it DOES have two syllables.

Seriously, if you EVER say, "This is full of fail," I will kill you. I will unchain my rabid "ROFL" and it will destroy you.


emergency - Working for health care, this is a word I've grown to dread. The word "emergency" has a very specific connotation in health care. It means "a life-threatening situation." Emergencies are bad - very, very bad, and I always HATE hearing the word in a phone call.

Only two people ever use this word when they call in to a doctor's office. It doesn't matter HOW they choose to employ the word, my blood pressure always spikes when "emergency" is uttered. The first kind will use the word correctly, as in, "I have an emergency! My husband is on the ledge, threatening to jump." When I get this call, though, the biochemical response I undergo is appropriate - someone's life is in danger, and I get worked up so I can act more quickly.

However, the second type of person who calls will usually say something like, "I ran out of my Ritalin four days ago and forgot to call. I haven't had it in FOREVER, and it's an emergency." Unfortunately, I have to say, your situation ISN'T that severe, you WON'T die without your medications, you SHOULD have called last week, and I WILL NOT interrupt the doctor so you can get your script. Sorry.

(Strangely enough, I had more empathy BEFORE I started working for the industry whose only purpose is ostensibly to help others.)


accompanist - I think everyone has a word like this one - a word that they have to use frequently but can't ever quite say right. I encountered my personal evil word (my arch-lexemenemy, if you will) back in high school, when I was heavily involved in the choir program. I participated in several solo competitions, and every time, of course, I had to find someone to play the piano for me.

"Accompanist" is one of those words that, for some reason, I can't stop saying. Or, rather, once I start saying it, I can't stop. Picture, if you will, a teenaged Mr. Braddy (slightly lankier and, can you believe it, even MORE awkward), approaching the microphone, dressed in his choral tuxedo and a nervous grin, stringy hair parted at the side. He clears his throat and says:

"Hello. My name is Stephen. I will sing 'Vittoria, Mio Corre' by Giacomo Carissimi, and my accompianimanimanimanimanimanist is Kerry Moore."

Pronouncing "Giacomo Carissimi"? No problem. My poor little teenage self, though, couldn't muster the lingual agility to cut the word "accompanist" off.

I've gotten better, but I was an insecure adolescent at the time. That kinda thing SCARS.


moist - Actually, there's nothing wrong with this word. "Moist" even SOUNDS moist - it's the perfect combination of sound and definition. Get over it.