7 Spots of Insanity from Seven Soldiers

I've had a lot of conversations recently about one of my favorite comics writers, Grant Morrison - partially because some of his ideas actually inspired my current writing project. Grant Morrison's got a reputation for writing thick, almost incomprehensible plots full of obscure references and just crazy ideas - which I totally love. The layers of narrative and high-concept storytelling make me feel like I'm somehow being rewarded for the act of reading beyond simply getting a fun story.

Seven Soldiers of Victory, a 2006 miniseries Morrison wrote for DC Comics, is far from the best comic series I've read, but it's a huge, ambitious story that is chock full of crazy. The idea is that seven superheroes drive off a supernatural threat without ever meeting. Within the story is a little narrative about a group of six kids and their millionaire dog that travel to a primitive country populated by cannibals in bowler hats, which is actually just a small part of a larger narrative about a newspaper that hires its own super hero to fight crime and report it, which ITSELF is just a small part of a larger story about a race of hyper-evolved humans that have so thoroughly consumed the resources in their own age that they are forced to EAT THEIR OWN HISTORY to survive.

Nearly every page contains some kind of out-there concept that is so rich it could probably drive a story all on its own. The series gives you a lot to think about while reading. I like to think that I'm a creative individual, but I don't know that I've come up with anything that matches the daunting insanity of Seven Soldiers. So I've decided to share with you seven of my favorite crazy ideas from the series. Enjoy.


7 - Guilt

Of the seven stories that make up the overarching narrative, the story of the Shining Knight is probably the least crazy - the last knight from King Arthur's court is transported to modern-day Los Angeles where he continues to fight the good fight. I don't care much for this part of the series, but the Knight does face off against a monstrosity so simple I wish I'd come up with it first. Seriously, I'ma put myself in time-out until I've learned my lesson.

...

That's better.

The monster is Guilt, a "Mood 7 Mind Destroyer." Not sure exactly what that means. The creature is invisible to all except its victim, completely indestructible, and kills people by haunting them and never letting them forget the mistakes they made.

Admittedly, the creature doesn't make for the most compelling comics - he's an awfully chatty beastie. Still, the idea of creating a weapon that kills you by making you feel bad is elegantly simple and at the same time completely bonkers. Love it.


6 - Super Porn

Now, I'm not embarassed to admit that I, a fully-grown and mostly-socially-competent adult, read superhero comics regularly. If I were, though, it'd be mainly due to the treatment of the superheroine. I'm not referring to the idea that women in comics are killed or crippled more often than their male counterparts, but rather to the simple fact that superhero women tend to be sexualized. Over-sexualized. A lot.

The Bulleteer's story in Seven Soldiers actually deals with this issue by presenting a character who is obsessed with fetish-shots of underage girls covering themselves in acid and deflecting bullets.

The story hardly fixes the over-sexualization in mainstream superhero comics, but I've never seen the issue even ADDRESSED before in such a way. And, frankly, I find it refreshing.

5 - Leviathan, the Monster Made of Children

Here's another example of the "crazy monster idea so simple I shoulda thought of it first."

Klarion the Witch-Boy encounters a creature that is made up of abused and abandoned children called Leviathan. Klarion's guide in the story describes it as a "dragon with five hundred eyes to see with, five hundred hands to kill you." The children show up for about four pages and then...

Well, then nothing. That's it. They show up, save Klarion's life, and then leave.

That one small experience really caught my imagination. I really wanted to know where the heck these kids came from, how exactly they survive, and what happened to them next. The idea that wonders like these wander around the world (even completely impossible wonders like a 500-fisted dragon made of little kids) make the story feel, ironically, more REAL.


4 - Hobo Subway Pirates of Manhattan

Okay, now here's where things just get ridiculous.
The Manhattan Guardian (the aforementioned newspaper super-hero) encounters roving bands of pirates beneath the streets of Manhattan. They act like crazy combinations of your standard hobo stereotypes and swashbuckling, Robert Louis Stevenson pirates.

Seriously. One of the pirates actually says, "I prepared myself for this with a fiery cocktail of absinthe and crack."

Again, these characters serve more as set-dressing. Their culture isn't explored expansively, but their mere presence contributes to building a world that absolutely fascinates the spectator.

Plus, how can you not like those lightbulb earrings? That's just cute.


3 - The Terrible Time Tailor

Here's a character that actually appears a couple of times throughout the series. He's a threat of the metaphysical kind - his threat isn't from the bomb or the gun, but from the unchangeable, unavoidable terrors of growing older.

The Time Tailor weaves suits for his victims, which they grow into, usually with terrible results. He traps children in unavoidable futures - this little boy grows into a "Homeless Schizophrenic," this girl grows up to be a "Faded Alcoholic," and this boy will become a "Child Molester/Murderer."

No other figure I've ever seen in literature captures the fear of growing up quite like the Terrible Time Tailor. Yes, everyone grows up, but who's to say what they grow up INTO?

Seriously, I'm never having kids.


2 - Frankenstein

I'm bouncing back and forth between deep, thematic issues and pure comicsy-fun (a lot like Seven Soldiers itself does). Here's another fun one.

One of Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers is Frankenstein - the actual monster from Mary Shelley's book. In this story, after the events of the novel play out, the monster takes his creator's name and roams the eart armed with a sword and a steam-powered pistol, hunting and killing demons while quoting Paradise Lost.

I LOVE this guy. He's so over-the-top - jumping through a train, firing bullets off in all directions, shouting "Death to the circus of maggots!" - it's delicious.

I try not to get too obsessive over comics (Batman excluded), but if this guy ever got an ongoing series, I'd probably buy up the whole darn thing.


1 - Screw the Fourth Wall

Zatanna is a stage magician and probably the most well-known of all the DC comics original characters featured in Seven Soldiers. Well, I don't know exactly HOW well-known she is, but I hear she had a cameo in Smallville, so I guess some people know about her.

Assuming people still watch the CW, that is.

Anyway, at the climax of Zatanna's story, she faces off against the Time Tailor in a bizarre, boundary-smashing battle of wits and wizardry. As the fight nears its climax, the two wizards start literally tearing the borders of the comic panels down around them. Then, just as Zatanna realizes she may be in over her head, she hears voices "coming from somewhere east of nowhere." She reaches out for the voices, and artist Ryan Sook shows her hand reaching out, past the panels, towards the reader.

I've actually seen Grant Morrison pull this trick in a couple of stories, but I still love it every time - the higher power Zatanna appeals to here is, in effect, the reader. She shows a bit of awareness that she is a fictional character, and her existence is blinked out unless she is remembered by a higher power, unless those voices "east of nowhere" find her story worthwhile and turn the page.

It's an interesting commentary on the nature of fiction, and easily my favorite single moment in the whole crazy series.